I think it was fair to say we were becoming friends.
CHAPTER 24
Lillie
Dylan went to see his father the day after Christmas. I tried not to obsess. On Christmas Day, Dylan and I had gone to the Moms’ place for their annual brunch, and that had softened the lonely Christmas morning, though Dylan and I had exchanged gifts. We both cried a little—angry tears, sad tears, sentimental tears. For once, I was happy to visit my mother . . . or at least her house.
On Christmas Day, Ben had flown to New Orleans to see his daughter, and I was truly alone at my place for the first time in more than a month. It had snowed last night, and I took Zeus for a nice long walk after Dylan drove off in my car. Came home, expecting that Dylan would be there, but my car was still missing.
I hadn’t expected him to be with Bralissa for so long, to be honest. To kill the time, I checked Wellfleet OB/GYN’s emails for nonurgent questions. Turned down an overtime shift at the hospital. Ate some cookies. Fretted. Tried to read.
Dylan came back a few hours later.
“Hey!” I said, getting up from the couch.
“Hi.”
Okay. “How was it?”
“It was fine.” I waited for more. More didn’t come.
“That’s it?” I asked.
“The kid is nice. Ophelia.”
“Yeah, I’ve met her.” Still no details. “Anything else you want to tell me?” I asked.
“Look, Mom,” he said, sounding slightly defensive. “As you said, he’s still my father. I’m going to be a big brother, which is weird as f—as anything. They were bending over backwards to make me like them. Jesus. There were, like, twenty presents. Dad even said they’d buy me a car if I wanted and then showed me his Jag. Their garage is heated, by the way.” He picked at a cuticle.
“What did you think of Melissa?” I asked.
Dylan sighed. “You want my honest answer?”
“Yes. Of course.” But my toes were clenched, and anxiety sweat was already breaking out on my back.
“She’s okay. Shallow, but okay. It was really awkward. I knew she wanted me to give them my blessing or whatever. But she tried, and she was . . . nice.”
I swallowed the bile in my throat. “That’s . . . good, I guess.”
“Beats her being a bitch, right?”
“Right.” But to me, she was a bitch, though I hated that word. She was thoughtless and cruel and self-centered and entitled. She had broken my family. She had made me a joke, the older, graying first wife, replaced with a perfect face and perfect body and now a baby in her perfect womb.
“Okay,” said Dylan. “If the interrogation is over, I’m gonna FaceTime with Chloe now. Oh, and Brandon, Leila and Cassie and I are going out tonight. Movies, burgers, that kind of thing, so I won’t be home till late.”
“Sure. Sounds fun.” There was no interrogation, I wanted to add, but we moms bit down on these things.
He turned to the stairs, then turned back. “Do you want me to stay home, Mom?” he asked, and his voice was very gentle.
“No, honey. Go see your friends. You’d be bored, spending every night here.”
“Thanks. But um . . . well, Dad wants me to stay over one night. I don’t know if I will,” he added hastily. “But he did ask.”
“Do what feels right to you, honey. Don’t worry about me.”
“Got it. Okay, I’ll be on my phone.” He ran upstairs, eager to talk to his girlfriend.
Don’t worry about me. Why should you, Dylan? Because I raised you? Loved you? Cheered you on your entire life? Hey, it’s fine. Go ahead and like your stepmother. Take a day away from me and spend it with your cheating-ass father. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Go ahead and wipe your feet on my heart, you little shit.
Which, you know, I understood wasn’t fair. But that’s how I felt in the moment.
“I’m going for a walk,” I called up the stairs.
“Okay,” he called back. “Have fun.”
Fun. I leashed up Zeus for the second time that day, and we went out for our fun.
We went past Slough Pond, past Horseleech, the sound of the ocean becoming louder as we headed toward it. My chest was aching, eyes tearing, and I felt ridiculously rejected. I took the little path toward the beach, and only when sand seeped into my hiking boots did I stop.
He thought she was nice.
Get over it, Lillie, I told myself. He’ll always be your son. And Brad’s son, too. Those are the indisputable facts.
I let Zeus off the leash so he could run, which he did, galloping along, a little clumsy, wicked cute. The ocean crashed and roared; the sky was slate gray.