"You look like you've a halo, with the light behind ye that way," he said, softly. "An angel crowned with gold."
"And you," I answered softly, tracing the edge of his jaw where the amber light sparked from his sprouting beard. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
He knew what I meant. One eyebrow went up, and he smiled, half his face lit by the glowing sun, the other half in shadow.
"Well, I knew ye didna want to wed me. I'd no wish to burden you or make myself foolish by telling you then, when it was plain you'd lie with me only to honor vows you'd rather not have made." He grinned, teeth white in the shadow, forestalling my protest. "The first time, at least. I've my pride, woman."
I reached out and drew him to me, pulling him close, so that he stood between my legs as I sat on the fence. Feeling the faint chill of his skin, I wrapped my legs around his hips and enfolded him with the wings of my cloak. Under the sheltering fabric, his arms came tight around me, pressing my cheek against the smudged cambric of his shirt.
"My love," he whispered. "Oh, my love. I do want ye so."
"Not the same thing, is it?" I said. "Loving and wanting, I mean."
He laughed, a little huskily. "Damn close, Sassenach, for me, at least." I could feel the strength of his wanting, hard and urgent. He stepped back suddenly, and stooping, lifted me from the fence.
"Where are we going?" We were headed away from the house, toward the cluster of sheds in the shadow of the elm grove.
"To find a haystack."
* * *
28
Kisses and Drawers
I gradually found my own place in the running of the estate. As Jenny could no longer manage the long walk to the tenants' cottages, I took to visiting them myself, accompanied sometimes by a stable lad, sometimes by Jamie or Ian. I took food and medicines with me, treated the sick as best I could, and made suggestions as to the improvement of health and hygiene, which were received with varying degrees of grace.
At Lallybroch itself, I poked about the house and grounds, making myself useful wherever I could, mostly in the gardens. Besides the lovely little ornamental garden, the manor had a small herb garden and an immense kitchen garden or kailyard that supplied turnips, cabbages, and vegetable marrows.
Jamie was everywhere; in the study with the account books, in the fields with the tenants, in the horse barn with Ian, making up for lost time. There was something more than duty or interest in it, too, I thought. We would have to leave soon; he wanted to set things running in a path that would continue while he was gone, until he—until we—could return for good.
I knew we would have to leave, yet surrounded by the peaceful house and grounds of Lallybroch and the cheerful company of Jenny, Ian, and small Jamie, I felt as though I had come home at last.
After breakfast one morning, Jamie rose from the table, announcing that he thought he would go as far as the head of the valley, to see a horse that Martin Mack had for sale.
Jenny turned from the sideboard, brows drawn together.
"D'ye think it safe, Jamie? There's been English patrols all through the district the last month or so."
He shrugged, taking his coat from the chair where he had laid it.
"I'll be careful."
"Oh, Jamie," said Ian, coming in with an armful of firewood for the hearth. "I meant to ask—can ye gang up to the mill this morning? Jock was up yestere'en to say something's gone amiss wi' the wheel. I had a quick look, but he and I together couldna shift it. I think there's a bit o' rubbish stuck in the works outside, but it's well under the water."
He stamped his wooden leg lightly, smiling at me.
"I can still walk, thank God, and ride as well, but I canna swim. I just thrash about, and gang in circles like a doodlebug."
Jamie laid the coat back on the chair with a smile at his brother-in-law's description.
"None so bad, Ian, if it keeps ye from havin' to spend the morning in a freezing millpond. Aye, I'll go." He turned to me.
"Care to walk up wi' me, Sassenach? It's a fine morning, and ye can bring your wee basket." He cocked an ironic eye at the enormous withy basket I used for gathering. "I'll go and change my sark. Be wi' ye in a moment." He headed for the staircase and bounded athletically up the steps, three at a time.
Ian and I exchanged smiles. If there was any regret that such feats were now beyond him, it was hidden beneath his pleasure in seeing Jamie's exuberance.
"It's good to have him back," he said.
"I only wish we could stay," I said, with regret.