Worst-case scenario, I figured I would walk out of that will reading with $3–$4 million, or a third of her estate. I would have said half, but besides Winnie, there was my mom’s brother, Uncle Roy, and his gaggle of kids. If she included Nathan, which she likely would, she would have to include all of them. So I prepared myself to have to share my share.
“Good morning, everyone,” my mother’s lawyer said. “I’m Simon Redding.” He went around the table and made eye contact with all of us one at a time, including the chick in the tweed suit, who I assumed worked for him.
“I am sorry to be meeting you all under such tragic circumstances,” he continued. “Before we begin, I just wanted to offer my condolences for your loss. May Louisa’s memory be a blessing.”
We all bowed our heads. I heard Aunt Rita sniffle. No one else made a peep.
“If you are in this room, you are named in the will. Before I share Louisa’s last wishes with you, I want to state for the record that I have verified that this document is authentic, and that the directives herein are legally binding.”
We all nodded. Got it. Now get on with it.
“I have been instructed by the deceased to start by reading the following preamble,” Lawyer Simon said.
He cleared his throat. “What you are about to read is going to be a bit of a shock, so let me prepare you,” he read. She wouldn’t be my mother if she didn’t have a few surprises up her sleeve. She was also prone to hyperbole, so I wasn’t too worried about being “shocked,” at least not yet.
“I know what you are expecting,” he continued, “but I have chosen not to give it to you. For that I make no apologies. Your expectations are of your own making, as are all the choices one makes in a lifetime; whether to help or look away, give or take, flee or fight, hoard or sacrifice.”
He paused. He seemed nervous. And I suddenly got nervous, too.
“With this, my last will and testament, I had an opportunity to be generous,” he read, then looked up at us. “But so did all of you.”
My heart thumped in my ears. My nervousness turned to terror. Good God, what has she done?
He continued. “This document represents my wishes, with no coercion or undue influence from anyone named herein. It was not written capriciously or with malice. My mind is sound and clear.” His eyes met mine, like the next bit was meant for me. “I am not available to entertain your objections, so you will have to work them out for yourselves. What you do next is up to you. Please choose wisely.”
The room was so quiet you could hear our breakfasts digesting. And they were not going down smoothly.
He cleared his throat. “On to the will, then,” he said, flipping the page.
I looked at Winnie. She raised an inquisitive eyebrow, like she found this amusing. But this wasn’t funny to me. I had a family. A mortgage. Kids to put through college. I needed that money. I couldn’t afford for this to take a weird turn.
“To my children, Charles Anthony George Junior and Winifred Elizabeth George, I leave the contents of their childhood rooms.”
My hands and feet went numb. The contents of our rooms? What fresh hell is that? My leg bounced under the table. She probably just wanted to fuck with us, I reasoned, make us think that’s all we were getting.
“To my brother, Roy Bingham Lake, and each of his children, Nathan, Sophia, Lily, and Henry, I leave fifty thousand dollars each, for a total of two hundred fifty thousand dollars to Roy Lake and family.”
OK, phew. I had figured Nathan’s family would get something. Surely everything else is coming to us now.
“The rest of my assets,” the lawyer read, “including, but not limited to, my stocks, bonds, IRA, the balance of my husband’s life insurance policy, proceeds from the sale of my business, my home and all its contents besides what I have already bequeathed to my children, I leave to Miss Ashley Brooks.”
Stunned silence.
Nobody moved or breathed.
I remember my thoughts being something along the lines of—
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?
I looked at Winnie. She was as baffled as I was.
I was about to ask, “Who the hell is Ashley Brooks?” but, as it turns out, she was sitting right across from me. I know that because Nathan said, quite loudly, to that young woman in the tweed suit, “Ashley, what just happened?”
And she just shrugged.
“Thank you all for coming, and once again my sincere condolences for your loss,” my mother’s lawyer said as he set her train wreck of a will down on the table and bid us adieu with a nod of his puppet head.