Something changed in the set of her body. I brought my face up to see what it was. There was something in her expression I couldn’t read—and maybe she didn’t want me to read it, because she pulled me down on top of her and kissed me.
I was glad I was going to have the shirt she was wearing after she went home. Something that had her perfume on it, smelled like her.
When she left, the only proof I ever had that she’d been here, or that she even existed at all, was the ache I was starting to feel when she was gone.
Chapter 24
Alexis
It was early May, a few days after I’d delivered a baby in Wakan, and Mom and I were celebrating Mother’s Day.
She was on call so much when I was growing up that celebrating on the actual day was almost never possible, so we’d started the tradition of doing it before the holiday. Today we went to the Mad Hatter Tea House in Anoka. It was a historic home on the Rum River that reminded me a lot of the Grant House, actually. It was built by a doctor in 1857. Going there was one of my favorite things to do with Mom.
She was better when Dad wasn’t around. More…her.
She had on a white lace dress with a brimmed hat that had white feathers on it. She wore my grandmother’s pearls and elbow-length satin gloves. Her makeup was delicate and natural. She looked like she belonged to a different time.
Mom was elegant, always perfectly put together. She made it seem effortless, though I know it wasn’t.
Mom had been personally responsible for the continued success of Royaume over the last forty years. She and Dad were a power couple. He made the medical journals and posed on the covers of magazines, and Mom brought in the money and the talent. She charmed donors and doctors alike, bringing in gifted physicians from all over the world.
And these were the shoes I had to fill.
I couldn’t be Dad. And I couldn’t imagine ever being Mom either. I didn’t know how.
I was struggling with what I was going to do in my new role.
Derek’s path had been obvious. He was a little of everything. One part both my parents. Charming and charismatic, driven and successful. He would have probably ended up with a reality TV show on TLC or something. Then he would have used his fame to attract donors and continue to elevate the hospital.
I had no idea what my thing was going to be. I hated networking. My field didn’t really allow for notoriety. I couldn’t stand the idea of being on television.
I’d have the hospital’s resources at my fingertips. I could start a clinical trial or get behind some other initiative. The board would approve anything I wanted. But what? What was I passionate about? I didn’t really know.
And it terrified me.
I was afraid I was going to drop this ball so completely it would shatter, and I’d never be able to put it back together again.
The server set down a teapot with the house orange bergamot in it. A few minutes later our three-level tray arrived with tiny sandwiches and petit fours.
I put a sugar cube into my floral teacup. “So, how are you enjoying retirement?” I asked Mom.
She sighed. “I’m not. I miss working. I’m so happy I get to help you prepare for the gala, just to have something to do.”
Mom was going to start training me for the speech I had to give at the event. Public speaking wasn’t my thing either, but I’d have to do it nonetheless.
She put jam on a scone. “So tell me, what have you been up to?”
I stirred my tea. “Nothing.”
I hated that I couldn’t tell her about Daniel. I hated it.
While Mom and I had waited for our table, we’d wandered upstairs to the gift shop, and I’d bought a whole bag of things for him. Scone mixes and homemade lemon curd and six different kinds of loose tea. Mom asked me who it was for, and I had to lie and say it was for Bri.
Mom was squarely Team Neil. And even if she wasn’t, she’d tell Dad anything I shared with her, and then I’d hear it from him. Not that there was anything to tell. Daniel wasn’t going to be anything serious. But I didn’t like that there were entire parts of my life I felt I couldn’t talk to her about.
But wasn’t that true even when I was with Neil?
I never told them what Neil did beyond the cheating. It was weird, but I got the sense they’d blame me for it. Like Neil was so far up on their pedestal, not even emotional abuse could knock him down.
I changed the subject. “So have you talked to Derek?”
She paused. “I haven’t spoken to your brother since he left.” There was something tight about her voice. “How are you?” she asked. “I know this has been a lot of change for you. Derek leaving and Neil.”