I licked my lips. “I don’t know.”
She nodded. “Right. You don’t know. See, this is what I mean. You keep seeing him and you’re gonna end up more messed up than after Neil. This was supposed to be a fling. No feelings. You hooked up with this guy because he was someone you couldn’t catch feelings for. And now you are, and you need to call it off before you can’t anymore.”
I swallowed. The thought of breaking things off with Daniel felt…it felt like the only thing that was making me happy was about to end.
But I guess it didn’t matter, because I wasn’t going to have time for him much longer. Because this morning I’d officially put in my bid for the chief position.
I sighed. “It’s going to have to end soon anyway. I’m running for chief.”
“Seriously?”
“Gibson is leaving in August. It hasn’t been announced yet, Dad told me.”
She grinned. “That’s awesome! You get to be my boss! I’ll get all the days off I want!”
I laughed a little.
“Man, you’d be perfect for that job,” she said. “That’s a lot of work though.”
“I know. But I’m excited. I think it’s going to be good for me. I’ll have more influence with the board. I can get more done.”
“Your dad might finally shut up.”
I snorted. “God, I hope so.”
That alone might actually make it worth it.
I was in a down mood after work. Neil made it a point to slink around the ER. I ignored him. But most of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Bri said, that I should break it off with Daniel.
The truth was, I think I was starting to get attached to him. And not just in a sexual way.
I had too many thoughts about this. None of them good.
Even if the distance and the age gap and social canyon weren’t a thing, was it smart to nose-dive into another relationship three months after the last one? Aren’t you supposed to be single for a while after a breakup? Find yourself or something? What would it say about me if I jumped right into another serious relationship? That I was codependent? Couldn’t be alone?
Maybe I should be alone.
I was in no position to be with someone right now.
Bri was right. If I was getting attached, I probably should cut the cord now.
But the thought of doing it made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
The idea of not seeing Daniel ever again was so upsetting, I couldn’t even think about it. Which only made me feel panicky because it made me more sure that I was actually attached to him, which sent me down a rabbit hole of wondering if he was attached to me.
I mean, he wanted me to be his girlfriend. But was that attachment? Was it feelings? Or did he just not want us to have sex with anyone else?
Part of me hoped he wasn’t attached. Why have us both get hurt when it ended?
But the other part of me hoped he liked me back. The other part of me was desperate for him to like me back. Because the only thing more terrifying than never seeing him again was for this to be one-sided.
Oh, my God. I was falling for him.
I was. I totally was.
UGH.
I didn’t have time to think about this. I had dinner with my parents tonight, and my brain could only deal with so much. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Dad. The only good thing about it was I would get to tell him about the chief position and maybe he’d lay off me a little after.
I took a shower and was sitting at my vanity doing my makeup when the phone rang. Daniel.
“Hey,” I said, smiling.
“What are you doing?”
“Sitting in a robe in my bathroom getting ready for dinner with my parents.”
“Soooooo you’re naked?” I heard him grin.
“I have a robe on.”
“Soooo you’re naked under the robe?”
I smiled. “Yeeees.”
“Send me a picture.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You want a picture?”
“Yeah, why not?”
I grinned and got up and went over to the bed. “I’ll send you one if you send me one,” I said, sliding onto the mattress.
“I’m not really in a place to take a picture right now,” he said.
“Send me one later.”
“Okay. And what kind of picture do you want? I’m going to need to hear you say the words ‘send me a dick pic, Daniel’ for consent reasons.”
I laughed. “Send me a dick pic.”
“One dick pic, coming up.”
“Awwww, just one?”