“Good. Don’t be nervous. Just be yourself. That’s the beauty of this place. Emerson’s given us somewhere to finally be free.”
“Us?” I ask.
“Yeah…you don’t think this place is just for men, do you?”
I don’t respond as I let my mind wander back to everything I saw and experienced tonight. And I realize…she’s right.
In the car on the way home, Emerson is silent, which is now awkward, considering everything that happened tonight. While he drives, I take a moment to stare at him, noticing how much he’s changed in my perception since we met. I no longer see a man out of my reach. I see a man who makes me feel worthy in a way I didn’t know I needed—didn’t know I deserved.
And I think about what the woman in the bathroom said. Is Emerson really seen as a god? And was he really obsessed with me all night?
A month ago, I might have said she was wrong, that she had me confused with a different type of woman, the kind who could please a man like Emerson.
But I’ve changed, and I don’t feel that way anymore.
He catches me staring. Glancing my way, he asks, “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”
“Yes,” I reply. I’m not sure if he means in general or specifically the time we spent in the hallway. The answer applies to both.
“If you’d like to go back, your membership fees are waived. You’d have to go through the inputting process, though. Provide clean test results, sign some waivers—”
“I don’t want to go back without you.”
Our eyes meet for a moment, and I wish I knew what he was thinking. Am I being too clingy? Hoping for too much? Or does he feel the same way? I want things with Emerson I don’t understand. Things I didn’t expect. And it’s not sex—although I wouldn’t turn that down.
More than anything, I want his attention. I want to live in this world with him and I want him to be my guide—not just for one night. I want to be the only woman on his arm…to be his. I’m setting myself up for heartbreak, I know it.
Emerson and I are in this strange limbo where we don’t cross lines, but we don’t deny ourselves indulgences either. I don’t know what we are and I’m still not quite sure what I want. All I know is that when he looks at me the way he is right now, I want whatever I can get.
As we pull up to my house, he gets out to open my door.
“Thank you for taking me,” I tell him, and before I walk away, I lean close and press my lips to his cheek. I wish I could thank him for the hallway moment, but I don’t quite feel comfortable saying, ‘thanks for making me touch myself,’ but I wish he knew how big of a moment that was for me. Tonight felt like a turning point, and he may never know that.
Before I can pull away, his hand grasps the back of my neck, holding my face only inches from his. “Just for tonight,” he breathes as he touches his lips to mine, and with those three words alone, I understand what this is. Tonight feels special, like it exists outside of our regular Monday to Friday, nine to five, reality. That just for tonight, he can touch me and make me come and kiss me, and it won’t have any effect on the rules and lines we’ve put in place.
I wish he’d kiss me deeper, but his lips only graze mine, so I feel his beard on my face, and I wish it was enough for me, but it’s not. I want more. But like the stroke of midnight for Cinderella, this little dream of mine has to end too.
All too soon, he lets me go, and I step backward to gaze up into his eyes.
“I’ll see you Monday, Charlotte.”
“Yes, Sir,” I reply, and he freezes for a moment, my gaze locked with his as my words echo between us. I didn’t really mean to say that, but it just came out, and obviously, it had an effect on him. It’s written all over his face. I wonder if he’s thinking about that first day. The day he thought I was his new sub, when he told me to kneel and address him as Sir, because it’s exactly what I’m thinking about.
Quickly, I pull away and walk toward the gate that leads to my small guest house in the back. Even as he drives away, I ponder that look on his face and how it felt in that small, minuscule moment. Calling him Sir, like his ‘secretaries’ before did. How when I asked him if he wanted me to be like that for him, he didn’t exactly say no.
I can’t stop thinking about it all night, my body still buzzing with excitement.
The next morning, I wake up with a new sense of purpose. Because I know that come Monday morning, everything will be different. Because I want everything to be different. So I barely leave my room all day, researching and reading and trying to fully understand what it is that Emerson wants.