A knock on the door breaks my attention from my hand. It’s probably a delivery or Maggie bringing me something. Still, I rush to answer it and let out a sigh of relief when I find my son on the porch, waiting for me.
“Beau,” I say quietly.
He only looks me in the eye briefly before averting his gaze. “I want to know more. I can’t stop thinking about it, and I want to know what really happened between you two.”
I force myself to swallow down my nerves. “Of course. Come in.”
We find a place to sit in the front room, and I offer him a drink or food, but he shakes his head. His knee is bouncing as he stares at the floor. Bracing myself for what might be the hardest conversation of my life, I take a seat across from him. “Ask me anything.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
My jaw clenches. “Yes.”
His lips tighten, and his clenched jaw mirrors mine. “The whole time?”
“No, just recently.”
“Did you hurt her?” he asks in a vitriolic tone.
“Never. I would never hurt her.” My answer is confident and certain. I know what he’s thinking…that I manipulated her into sleeping with me. That I played a power role over her and forced her into something she didn’t want. I’m one-hundred-percent confident that that’s not what happened.
“Did you take her to the club?”
Tension looms over us as he brings up the club, the very catalyst to his disdain for me. My son refuses to believe that I’m not some sleazy pervert because I’ve given people a place to express their sexual needs safely. I wish I could make him see, but it’s not exactly a comfortable conversation between father and son.
“Yes, I did.”
He shakes his head. “She’s not like that. You’ve spent all this time corrupting her. No wonder she wants you and not me. “
“Now wait a minute,” I interrupt. “I didn’t corrupt her at all. You think she’s not like that? But I promise you, she is. Charlotte is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. I didn’t coerce her at all, but I did give her a place to find herself, and I’ve spent the last few months watching her grow.”
He scoffs.
“Second of all,” I add. “She never chose me over you. You two were already broken up—"
“Oh, shut up,” he barks. “Don’t rub that in my face.”
“I didn’t mean to.” I hold my hands up toward him. “I’m only pointing out that she was fully aware of what she was doing. And before you perpetuate this belief that my club is a dirty, shameful place, I promise you, it’s not. We take all health and safety precautions. Everything is consensual and women have even more power there than men do, so please stop telling yourself how bad I am.”
He’s quiet for a moment, staring at the floor as he wrings his hands and thinks to himself.
“Do you love her?” he asks without looking up at me.
I hesitate. The word yes rests on the tip of my tongue, dying to come flying out, but I’m not sure that’s what he wants to hear. “It doesn’t matter,” I reply, holding back my disappointment. “If you don’t want me to pursue her, I won’t.”
His head snaps up in my direction. He’s reading my expression before forcefully biting out, “I don’t want you to.”
I have to remind myself to breathe. My heart, which was just beating a million beats a minute, has now crashed to the floor. That’s it then. He said no, and I can’t break that. I need him to trust me again.
“Okay.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” he adds. “Do you love her?”
This time I let him hear my response. “Yes. Very much.”
His face morphs into part disgust and part pity. With his eyes closed, he shakes his head.
“She’s only twenty-one. You’re forty. That’s fucked up.”
I shrug. “I’m sorry.” There’s no point in telling him how happy we were. How we stopped seeing each other for our ages and more for what we offered each other. Charlotte made me laugh and saw right through my emotional armor I’ve been wearing for twenty years. She always seemed to know exactly what I needed.
“So if I really told you not to see her again…you wouldn’t?”
Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees. “You’re my son, Beau. Your happiness comes before my own. If you don’t want me to date your ex, how could I?”
His brow furrows even deeper as he scrutinizes me. “I should go.”