“Any word?” Nora asked, reaching across the table to rub my hand, sipping her coffee.
“Nothing yet,” I told her. No news. I had texted Jake the next morning, got nothing back.
Luke had put his minimal possessions in his bag, and cleared out. Mittens had wandered the apartment all night, sniffing the corners, looking for him. Every time I dozed off, I woke up to the sound of her claws on the wooden floors, and waited to hear his weight creak with hers, his quiet mutters. My mind circled around him. He was gone. He was gone and I hated him and I had forgiven him fully. I hated him because I had forgiven him, and I wanted to say sorry for hating him. Under it all, I missed him. I missed him and he was a liar and I hated him and I missed him.
Toby swung his arm over the back of my chair.
A cop car passed. I flinched.
Josh approached us with a latte in hand, big glasses over friendly eyes and a beard. He looked vaguely hungover.
“Hi, Cassie! I looked for you after the show,” he said, sitting down, offering his hand.
I waved it off. “I was fighting off something before we played, and then it hit me,” I lied. “Sorry about that. Don’t want to get you sick.”
“No problem,” he said, introducing himself to Toby and Nora, who wore smiles to their ears.
“Right.” Josh set his hands on the table. “So I don’t have much time before I have to catch my flight, but you all have it going on, let me make that real clear.”
“Thank you,” I said, and some of the excitement from last night came skipping back, making me sit up a little straighter.
“We’re wondering if you can bring that kind of energy to, say, twenty shows, rather than one.”
“Totally,” Toby said.
As I was about to assure him, a text came through on my phone. I jumped. I didn’t check it, not wanting to be rude, but I knew it must be from Jake.
Josh continued, “We’re thinking you’d be a great fit with Dr. Dog. They’ve got a sixties Brit pop sound, you’ve got a more modern, edgy take on that. More minimalist, more female dominated.”
“We’re so down with that,” Toby said. “They’ve always been a big influence.”
“Absolutely,” Nora said. “Right, Cass?”
“Yes,” I said immediately, trying to keep hold of the dual feelings that had risen in my chest, trying not to let the facts catch up with me. There was the ecstasy that all our hard work had paid off, that we could go on the road and play for strangers, that I had the talent and work ethic to make it happen.
Then, tearing that happiness apart, there was the possibility that I had destroyed every last bit of our new lives before they began.
Nora reached for my hand under the table.
I took her hand in both of mine, grateful, squeezing hard.
“So.” Josh stood, pointing at me. “I’m sorry you’re sick.”
I mustered a smile.
“We’ll talk when you’re better. But in the meantime,” he said, opening his hands to all of us, “look for an e-mail from me with the contract. Plan for a week or so from now, when Dr. Dog swings through Galveston. Okay?”
“Okay!” Nora said, trying to be cheery, shaking his hand again.
As he walked away, I looked at the message from Jake. Luke and Dad meeting with lawyer today, will keep you posted if they decide to charge him, the message read. “Shit.”
I showed it to Nora and Toby.
Toby said, slowly, “Well, we have to at least assume the good before the bad.” He drummed on the table, ecstatic. “Also, hi. That man walking away is about to give us a record deal.”
I couldn’t get anywhere near to the good Toby was talking about. I started to think about what “jail” actually meant. What it meant to Luke, what it meant to me. Punishment. Loneliness. Cut off from everyone. His agony, reaching across toward me. Between my bandmates, over the lukewarm tea, I started to shake.
“Let me go get you some more hot water,” Nora said, her brow furrowed. She stood and went inside.
“Come on, Cass. That would be Luke’s trial, not yours,” Toby said. “Right?”
“We’re married. It’s going to be my trial eventually, T.”
Toby shook his head with a confident smile. “He’s worse, though. His dealer? I mean, that’s some shady shit. You could probably even spin it so he manipulated you.”
My hands clenched. “I would never do that to him.”
“Think about it, though.” Toby swallowed. He reached over to brush away one of my tears. “I mean, we’re about to go on tour, Cass.”