I shake my head. “There’s nothing to talk about, Pike.”
“There is,” he says, using his crutch to propel himself into the room, to my side of the bed, where he takes a seat. If he wasn’t a gimp, I would kick him off the mattress, but I don’t have it in me to force him to stand on one leg while talking to me. “I want to talk about what I said in the doctor’s office.”
“Why?” I pick at a piece of lint on my sweatpants. “You said some things, exposed some feelings, but I don’t share the same sentiment,” I lie. “So there’s no use talking about it. You’re only going to get hurt.”
I don’t realize how close he is until his good hand lands on my leg. “You don’t share the same sentiment?”
“No.” I pick at my nails, doing pretty much anything to avoid eye contact with him.
“If that’s true, then look at me when you say it.”
Damn it.
My teeth roll over my bottom lip and I quickly look up at his handsome face. He hasn’t shaved in a while so his beard is filling in, covering his square jaw. His eyes are soft but also commanding, and they don’t stray from me. And his lips, lightly glistening because he just wet them with his tongue.
“Say it,” he says quietly. “Say you don’t share the same feelings I have.”
When I don’t say anything, he scoots even closer on the bed, so I’m trapped between him and the headboard now, his large, battered body mere inches from mine.
“Tell me to my face, Coraline, that you don’t love me. That you don’t still feel a deep, throbbing pulse in your veins when I’m around. Tell me you don’t want to reach out to me, touch me . . . kiss me.”
I do.
I want all of those things.
But he hurt me, and for some reason, getting over that hurt feels monumental, impossible.
“I . . . I don’t share . . .” I pause and look away. “I don’t share the same feelings.”
“Liar,” he says, calling me out, and then brings his hand to my cheek, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “You can’t say it to my face, because, deep down, you still want me.”
I try to shake my head, but it’s a feeble attempt at best.
“That’s okay,” he says softly. “I don’t need to hear you say it, because I can see it in your body language, the way you look at me . . . the way you care for me.”
I look up at the ceiling, willing the tears that are forming to go away, but no such luck, as they tumble down over my cheeks.
“Cora—”
“You hurt me, Pike,” I say, swiping away at the tears. “You hurt me more than Keenan ever did.” I meet his steady gaze. “He might have cheated on me, but he also never loved me the way you did. He didn’t love me unconditionally. I think I was a means to an end for him, something to check off on his list of things to do. But with you, I felt . . . God, I felt wanted. Needed. I felt like you actually gave a shit about me. That you desired so much more than a marriage, that you fought for a connection. I thought it was all real.”
“It is all real,” he says, his voice growing tight. “Every last second of it. It was real, Cora. Every touch, every kiss, every confession of love. You should never question that, because it came from the heart.”
“How do I know that?” I ask. “How do I know it was real, when it all started with a wager from your dad? How do I know you would’ve given this marriage between us a shot if it weren’t for your dad and his manipulation?” Show me that I was worth more to you than a means to help your reputation. That I meant something.
He heaves a heavy sigh and then scratches the back of his neck. “I can’t swear to you that I wouldn’t have asked for an annulment.” His eyes flash to mine and he speaks sincerely when he says, “But I sure as hell would’ve asked you out on a date the next day. I would’ve wanted to get to know you better. I know, deep in my bloody soul, that there’s no way I would’ve been able to walk away from you after our night in Vegas. That night meant something to me, Cora. The sooner you realize that, the better.”
He stands from the bed, carefully, and hovers over me. He leans his armpit on his crutch and then reaches out and grips my chin. “I love you, Coraline. That’s never going to change. And maybe you don’t want to hear it, and maybe I’m being a selfish prick by repeating this, but I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you. Not over my pa’s revenge. Not when I know you and I are supposed to be together.”