She said, “I thought about us a lot today.”
She touched my arm with her fingertips.
“About us and me and how it’s been. You’re right. This has never been about you and how you live your life, or Ben, not really. It’s been about me. About my fears and my need to control things nobody can control.”
“I wasn’t trying to lay blame or justify, neither one.”
“You said many right things and they break my heart.”
She looked at Ben, inside on the couch.
“He’s grown. He’ll be gone in a year.”
Her eyes returned to me.
“All this time, I could have had you. We could have been together. I didn’t allow it.”
“Luce.”
“I can’t change what’s done. I can’t pretend I won’t worry. I can’t swear I won’t kill you if you get hurt. I can’t even promise I won’t dump you.”
She moved closer and placed her hands on my chest.
“But I don’t want to be just friends anymore. I want to see you every day. I want to touch you every day and talk every day and know we have a future with—”
I kissed her. I held her in a way I hadn’t held her in years and kissed her and felt tears leak from my eyes as I kissed her.
Ben opened the slider.
“When are we going to eat?”
Lucy said, “Go inside and close the door.”
The slider slammed and Lucy stepped back.
“I mean it. If you’ll risk being us, I’ll risk being us. Because I want us to be us.”
I tipped my head toward the house.
“Want to shack up?”
“Here’s what I want.”
She took a small velvet box from her right pants pocket and showed me the contents. Two thin gold bands stood side by side, one larger, one smaller.
I said, “Are you asking me to marry you?”
“I’m not asking anything. The rings express a commitment. If we call them something else one day, an engagement band, a wedding ring—”
She studied me carefully.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
I stared at the bands. They were simple plain rings of yellow gold. I touched the smaller, then the larger. I pulled the larger band from its place in the box and fit it onto my finger.
Lucy said, “Okay. Now I want to shack up.”
“How about we eat before we shack up?”
“A sure sign of age.”
I fitted the smaller ring onto her finger.
“Looks good.”
“I know. I’ve practiced wearing it.”
We grinned at each other some more.
“I’ve missed this, me and you, like this.”
She nodded.
“Yes. It’s been too long. Much too long.”
“Look forward, not back. Always move forward.”
“Yes, Joe.”
We just stood there, holding each other and grinning at each other. It was great.
Ben tapped the glass. When we looked, he spread his arms wide, beseeching, telling us he was starving.
Lucy laughed.
“I guess we should feed him.”
“And me. I’ll need fuel.”
My phone buzzed as we stepped through the door. The call window showed wvann. I showed Lucy.
“The Schumachers.”
I didn’t want to answer, but I answered.
Wendy Vann said, “Here’s Adele.”
Lucy and Ben were watching as Adele came on the line. She was upset and shouting.
“He’s gone. They took Ryan’s car and their things and he left. Please! Bring him home again. Please, Mr. Cole. Before he gets himself killed.”
Lucy touched my arm and whispered.
She said, “Go. If you get shot I’ll kill you.”
54
In Your Face with Josh Shoe
Josh and Ryan studied Rachel’s apartment house from Ryan’s car. The dark-haired bitch was on the lawn reading a magazine.
Ryan said, “She’ll see you.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“What if it’s gone?”
“We’ll figure it out.”
Josh knew Ryan was nervous. Josh was nervous, too, but Rachel had trusted him and believed in him and, in a way, made him believe he mattered. He looked at Ryan.
“I can drop you off after. You don’t have to do this.”
“It’s my show, too.”
“In your face.”
“Bringing the truth—”
“—the mainstream media hides.”
They’d been saying some version of this to each other since seventh grade.