She had not forgotten. I had heard the same sound the night before after we had come up from the library. She had not knocked upon the door, she had not made herself known; there was just the sound of footsteps and the turning of the key in the lock. It brought me to reality and the facing of the immediate future.
I finished dressing, and went and turned on Maxim’s bath. Presently Clarice came with our tea. I woke Maxim. He stared at me at first like a puzzled child, and then he held out his arms. We drank our tea. He got up and went to his bath and I began putting things methodically in my suitcase. It might be that we should have to stay in London.
I packed the brushes Maxim had given me, a nightdress, my dressing gown and slippers, and another dress too and a pair of shoes. My dressing-case looked unfamiliar as I dragged it from the back of a wardrobe. It seemed so long since I had used it, and yet it was only four months ago. It still had the Customs mark upon it they had chalked at Calais. In one of the pockets was a concert ticket from the casino in Monte Carlo. I crumpled it and threw it into the wastepaper basket. It might have belonged to another age, another world. My bedroom began to take on the appearance of all rooms when the owner goes away. The dressing table was bare without my brushes. There was tissue paper lying on the floor, and an old label. The beds where we had slept had a terrible emptiness about them. The towels lay crumpled on the bathroom floor. The wardrobe doors gaped open. I put on my hat so that I should not have to come up again, and I took my bag and my gloves and my suitcase. I glanced round the room to see if there was anything I had forgotten. The mist was breaking, the sun was forcing its way through and throwing patterns on the carpet. When I was halfway down the passage I had a curious, inexplicable feeling that I must go back and look in my room again. I went without reason, and stood a moment looking at the gaping wardrobe and the empty bed, and the tray of tea upon the table. I stared at them, impressing them forever on my mind, wondering why they had the power to touch me, to sadden me, as though they were children that did not want me to go away.
Then I turned and went downstairs to breakfast. It was cold in the dining room, the sun not yet on the windows, and I was grateful for the scalding bitter coffee and heartening bacon. Maxim and I ate in silence. Now and again he glanced at the clock. I heard Robert put the suitcases in the hall with the rug, and presently there was the sound of the car being brought to the door.
I went out and stood on the terrace. The rain had cleared the air, and the grass smelt fresh and sweet. When the sun was higher it would be a lovely day. I thought how we might have wandered in the valley before lunch, and then sat out afterwards under the chestnut tree with books and papers. I closed my eyes a minute and felt the warmth of the sun on my face and on my hands.
I heard Maxim calling to me from the house. I went back, and Frith helped me into my coat. I heard the sound of another car. It was Frank.
“Colonel Julyan is waiting at the lodge gates,” he said. “He did not think it worthwile to drive up to the house.”
“No,” said Maxim.
“I’ll stand by in the office all day and wait for you to telephone,” said Frank. “After you’ve seen Baker you may find you want me, up in London.”
“Yes,” said Maxim. “Yes, perhaps.”
“It’s just nine now,” said Frank. “You’re up to time. It’s going to be fine too. You should have a good run.”
“Yes.”
“I hope you won’t get over-tired, Mrs. de Winter,” he said to me. “It’s going to be a long day for you.”
“I shall be all right,” I said. I looked at Jasper who was standing by my feet with ears drooping and sad reproachful eyes.
“Take Jasper back with you to the office,” I said. “He looks so miserable.”
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I will.”
“We’d better be off,” said Maxim. “Old Julyan will be getting impatient. All right, Frank.”
I climbed in the car beside Maxim. Frank slammed the door.
“You will telephone, won’t you?” he said.
“Yes, of course,” said Maxim.
I looked back at the house. Frith was standing at the top of the steps, and Robert just behind. My eyes filled with tears for no reason. I turned away and groped with my bag on the floor of the car so that nobody should see. Then Maxim started up the car and we swept round and into the drive and the house was hidden.
We stopped at the lodge-gates and picked up Colonel Julyan. He got in at the back. He looked doubtful when he saw me.