“Right, hash is nothing, really,” I hear myself say, wondering if there’s more hidden on the boat, and where.
Eliza can clearly read my mind. “I know, it looks like a lot, and yes, we’d be completely and utterly fucked if we got caught with it, but you know how it is—big risk, big reward.”
“Totally,” I say, nodding even more manically, and Eliza laughs, coming over to hug me.
“Oh, Luxy,” she says. “Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite.”
And it’s so stupid and silly, but my whole body seems to flush with pleasure. How does she do it, make you feel like her approval is so important, so vital?
Then she looks right at me. “But something’s wrong, isn’t it, love?”
Before I can stop myself, it pours out of me. “I caught Nico and Amma. In bed.”
Her brows draw tight together, a trio of wrinkles appearing above her nose. “Oh, Luxy,” she says. “Oh, fuck.”
Tears spill down my cheeks and I let her envelop me again.
“What a pair of cocks,” she says, and that actually makes me laugh a little, pulling back as I swipe at my cheeks.
“Such cocks, yeah,” I agree. “I swear to god, it’s this place. Being on the edge of civilization, away from everything and everyone. I think it makes people insane.”
Eliza nods. “What are you going to do now? Did you confront them?”
I shake my head. “No. In the moment, I was a complete coward and basically ran away.”
“I understand that,” Eliza says. “But maybe you’d feel better if it were all out in the open?”
I think about confronting Amma, but nothing about that scene appeals to me. “Right now, I just want to forget it,” I tell her, and she squeezes my shoulders.
“Fair enough. Stay over here with us for a bit, hmm? We’ve got plenty of room.”
I know it’s not a permanent solution, but for now, it’s enough. I nod. “I’d love to.”
* * *
AS MUCH AS I’D LOVE to hide out on the Azure Sky for the rest of the trip, I know that I can’t, and besides, I’m not the one who did anything wrong. It’s not fair that I should have to give up the island just because Amma and Nico decided to be assholes. Still, as I swim for the beach later that afternoon, my stomach is in knots. I can see Brittany sitting on a towel, watching me approach, while Jake is farther up on the beach, underneath the tarp with a book. Nico and Amma are, thank god, nowhere to be seen.
As soon as I make my way onto the sand, Brittany is there, her fingers twisted together, the corner of her mouth turned down in an exaggerated frown. “Lux,” she says, then sighs. “Shit.”
I wring the water out of my hair, nodding and giving something that tries to be a laugh. “Yeah, shit indeed. Guess you already know.”
“Amma told me.”
She steps closer to me, her hand landing on my arm. We both smell like salt water and wet towels, a sharper, earthier scent underneath. We’ve all stopped bathing as much, going in and out of the sea enough times to feel clean even though we’re not, not really. How did that happen so fast?
“I’m so sorry,” she says, and then her words start tumbling out. “If I had had any idea that kind of thing was going to happen, I would’ve stopped it, I promise. I mean, Amma hasn’t seemed even remotely interested in any guys while we were traveling, so I never thought—”
“Brittany.”
I cover her hand with my own, and she laces our fingers together as she looks at me.
“It’s not your fault,” I tell her. “It’s just … one of those things. Throw some hot people together, add stress and lots of alcohol…”
“That’s not an excuse,” Brittany says, and I’m surprised at how fierce she sounds. “It was a fucked-up thing to do to a friend.”
It feels good, hearing her defend me like that, but I shake my head. “Come on, Britt. You know me and Amma aren’t friends. Not really.”
I’d liked her, sure, but I wasn’t stupid—these kinds of trips didn’t form lifelong bonds. I was just the girlfriend of the guy Amma and Brittany had hired, and within a year, they’d forget my name, I bet.
But then Brittany squeezes my hand. “We’re friends, though. Right?”
Again, there’s this seriousness in her face, in her words, that surprises me, and I smile at her in spite of my confusion. “Yeah,” I tell her. “Of course, we are.”