I lift the gun even as Jake raises both hands, my name on his lips.
I aim. The trigger digs into my finger.
What am I when you strip everything else away?
I’m a motherfucking survivor.
INTERVIEW WITH JESSICA CARTWRIGHT, PASSENGER ABOARD VESSEL EASY RIDER RE: MEROE ISLAND. CONDUCTED BY DETECTIVE DANIEL KEKOA, MAUI COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT.
JESSICA CARTWRIGHT: I mean, I really don’t know what I can tell you that the others haven’t. I wasn’t even the one who found them. That was Tucker. Have you guys talked to Tucker? （ED. NOTE—REFERRING TO TUCKER BRETT, OWNER OF EASY RIDER AT TIME OF INCIDENT.）
DET. D. KEKOA: We have, but we understand you were the first one on the island, so I just want to get a sense from you if you felt like anything was amiss, anything that felt off to you.
JC: I mean, the whole fucking—sorry. The whole freaking place felt off. Like, it was really, really pretty when we were sailing in, but as soon as Tuck dropped the anchor, I wanted to leave.
DK: Can you elaborate on that?
JC: It was just creepy, I guess. It felt haunted. I think part of it was that it was really quiet. There was stuff out on the beach. This tarp had been spread over some tree branches, and there were books, a cooler. It seriously looked like someone had just walked away for a second and would be back. We knew there were six people on the island based on that call, from the Australian guy who needed the radios. And I guess I thought they’d all be out there waiting on us or something? So it was just really weird that there was no one there.
DK: There were four of you on the boat, correct?
JC: Yeah, me, Tucker, and my best friend, Ashley, and Ashley’s boyfriend, Bobby. Ashley’s the one who found … you know. The first one.
DK: Can you be more specific?
JC: The first dead person. The first body. I don’t know what you want me to say?
DK: The first male victim, Nicholas Johannsen.
JC: Right. He was … actually, can we take a break?
[INTERVIEW PAUSED FOR TWENTY-THREE MINUTES]
JC: Okay. Thank you. So yeah, Ashley had gone deeper into the jungle, I guess, she loves that kind of sh—stuff. We heard her scream, but I honestly thought it was just going to be a snake or something. I didn’t think it was going to be a body.
DK: And what was the next course of action for your group after you found Mr. Johannsen?
JC: Bobby ran to get back to the boat to use the radio. Tucker wanted to keep searching around, which I thought was a dumb idea, but I was just kind of … numb? You know how they say on those shows, like Dateline, stuff like that, that people find a body and think it’s, like, a mannequin? It wasn’t like that. There was no doubt it was a body. I remember thinking that. Like, looking at him and being all, “That’s a body. That was a person, and now he’s dead.” And when I saw the pictures later, it was so weird. Like, he was this really hot guy! I’m sorry. That’s shallow, I guess, but that’s what I thought. That he looked like someone I’d want to know, and now he was dead. Is that weird?
DK: Not at all. But if we can stay on track here—
JC: Right. Sorry. Anyway, we kept going until we got to this beach, and that’s when Tucker found the others. I never really saw them because Tucker pushed us back into the jungle, but I remember the smell, and … is it true? What it said on the internet about the crabs or the rats or whatever it was?
DK: The condition of the bodies was consistent with predation typical on that island.
JC: Jesus. Okay, that’s one way to put it. [subject pauses] It’s just so fucked up. It’s so pretty there. Seriously, it was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen, like honest-to-god heaven or Eden or something, and then you find all that. [subject begins to cry] Why would anyone ever want to go there after this? Why haven’t y’all like napalmed the shit out of that island? Because that’s what I would do. Blast it off the fucking map.
DK: Ms. Cartwright, if you can—
JC: No, I’m serious. We went there to have a good time, and found six fucking dead bodies. And you know that other girl, the one they didn’t find, is still there, too. Or in the ocean, or maybe those fucking crabs got her. I keep thinking about that. I keep seeing her in my head and—
DK: Let’s take another break, okay?
[INTERVIEW PAUSED]
IN THE AFTER
EPILOGUE
Caroline wishes she’d never come to Thailand.
It’s beautiful, sure, and loud and colorful, the sights and sounds are so different from her home back in Washington State. But she’s sitting alone in this dingy bar, one ankle threaded through the strap of her backpack to ensure that on top of everything else, she doesn’t get robbed, too, as she literally cries into her beer.