She dropped her eyes, trying to look contrite, but Julian was having none of it.
‘You can’t just “resign”，’ he snapped, his voice harsh, spiked, as his delicate fingers made quotes in the air around the word. ‘That is not how it works, Evelyn. You signed the contract. We all signed the contract. You can’t just change your mind.’
Evelyn raised her gaze to look at him and he met her eyes and then softened a little, falling back against his chair and sighing deeply.
‘What is going on here, Evie?’ he asked her, his tone now exasperated more than angry. ‘Is there something you’re not telling me?’
Evie nodded and swallowed hard. This would be the first time she’d say the words out loud, and once she did there was no going back. It would no longer be her secret.
‘I’m pregnant,’ she said in a voice so quiet she feared he wouldn’t have heard, but she could tell from his reaction that he had.
He dropped his head into his hands, knotting his fingers through his thinning hair. ‘Oh, my dear God,’ he said. ‘Of all the stupid . . .’ But then he sat up straight again, his eyes shining. ‘Well, that’s not the end of the world, Evie,’ he said. ‘There’s no need to panic or do anything knee-jerk. We can fix this. I know people. Obviously, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this happen and it’s easy enough to sort. I’ll just make a few phone calls and . . .’
He reached to pick up the phone receiver, but Evelyn shot her hand out to stay his.
‘No, Julian,’ she said quietly. ‘I’ve decided I want to keep the baby.’
Julian shook his head in disbelief. ‘But Evelyn. You are at the peak of your career. If you walk out now, there’s no guarantee that anyone will want you when you come back.’
Evelyn shrugged. The baby was more important to her than what she might be giving up, and was growing in importance with each passing day. If what he was saying was true, then she would just have to deal with that when she reached that point.
Julian’s head hit the desk and he moaned to himself.
‘I’m sorry, Julian,’ she said gently. ‘I didn’t mean for any of this to happen and I really didn’t want to mess things up for you. But it did, and now I have to live with it.’
Julian looked up, and now Evelyn could see something else in his eyes; concern perhaps, or maybe pity.
‘I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend,’ he said.
Evelyn shrugged again. ‘I don’t,’ she replied.
The corners of Julian’s mouth turned down as he considered the other possibilities. ‘I didn’t have you down as a one-night-stand kind of girl,’ he said, his brow furrowed in confusion.
‘I’m not. This was . . .’
What was it? How was she supposed to describe what had happened to her? It wasn’t rape exactly. Whilst she hadn’t gone into the hotel room expecting what she got, she hadn’t run away, either. She was no ingenue. She knew these things happened to actresses all the time. She had just never imagined it would happen to her. It wasn’t right, what Rory MacMillan had done, but it was the way things were, and if having sex with him was what it took to secure the job in his show, then it appeared that was a price she’d been prepared to pay. That she’d got pregnant was just damned bad luck.
But something stopped her from telling all this to Julian. She had thought that maybe it was to protect her own reputation, or perhaps even MacMillan’s, but now she realised that her silence was tinged with something she hadn’t noticed before – shame.
‘This was . . .’ she continued. ‘Well, it doesn’t really matter what it was. The fact is I am pregnant and I want to keep the baby, so I can’t take the part. I’m sorry, but there you have it. My hands are tied.’
Julian sighed deeply. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘If you’re sure your mind is made up then I’ll make the calls.’
‘Thank you, Julian,’ she said, getting to her feet. ‘I’m sorry.’
She held out her hand, but Julian had already turned away and so she left him to his phone calls.
As she left the agency and headed out to the street, Evelyn knew it would be the last time she ever went there. Julian would take her off his books as she wasn’t available for work, and when she came back it was unlikely he would see her. She would need to find herself new representation. But for now, that wasn’t important. Now she had to pack up her stuff and get herself back to Southwold, back to Joan and the life she had fought so hard to escape.