Evelyn nodded.
Pip blew her lips out. ‘I wasn’t sure what to think, really,’ she said. ‘I heard a rumour that one of you had murdered the other, and I suppose for a moment I did wonder. The diary was quite ambiguous, but it could have been interpreted as an indication that you had killed her. It felt unlikely, though, especially after everything else that I’d read about your life and what kind of a person you are. I couldn’t imagine you as a murderer!’
Evelyn gave half a smile. ‘Jolly glad to hear it,’ she said.
Pip put her fingers to her face and tapped a nail against her teeth as if deciding what to say next. ‘There was one thing that I didn’t understand, though. If I’m honest, it really confused me.’ She was twisting her bottom lip between her fingers and looking straight into Evelyn’s eyes, clearly uncomfortable with what she wanted to say but desperate to say it all the same.
‘Go on,’ said Evelyn cautiously.
‘Well, I didn’t realise that you had left Scarlet with Joan,’ Pip began slowly. ‘The diary doesn’t say that. So I couldn’t understand why you didn’t seem to feel any remorse for what had happened. There was me, haunted by my guilt for my part in the death of a child, and yet you seemed to have none.’
Now it was Evelyn’s turn to be confused. Something prickled at the back of her neck as she tried to grasp exactly what it was that Pip was saying.
‘I’m not sure I follow,’ she said slowly. ‘Did you think I was responsible for my own child’s death?’
Pip lowered her eyes to the table and nodded her head. ‘Not exactly, but your three-year-old child drowned. I couldn’t understand how you didn’t seem to be feeling responsible for that, at least in part. From everything I read, I just assumed that Scarlet was with you when she died. But then there was nothing that suggested any guilt. I just couldn’t follow it.’
Evelyn considered what Pip had said carefully. Was she saying that she thought Scarlet had died though a lack of care on her part? She felt herself bristle, but then again, she supposed that without having all the pieces of the jigsaw it wasn’t an unreasonable conclusion to reach. But if that were the case, then it gave rise to a question of her own.
‘So, even though you thought I might have a degree of responsibility for what happened to Scarlet, you still wanted to spend time with me?’ she asked.
When Pip raised her eyes, Evelyn could see the tears welling up, her lip quivering.
‘I wanted to know how you managed it,’ she said, her voice faltering. ‘I needed to know how you could live with that level of guilt and not let it consume you. I just can’t do it. I’m crumbling under the weight of what I’m carrying. I can’t get out from under it. And yet you seemed untouched by it. I just wanted to know how you coped without falling apart.’
‘And now?’ Evelyn asked archly. ‘Now that you know I am not the panacea to all your ills?’
Pip’s shoulders sagged. ‘Please don’t be like that,’ she said. ‘Of course I knew that you hadn’t really been to blame. I felt it in my heart. It was like I knew you, after reading so many of your inner thoughts.’ Here she blushed, a pretty pink colour that washed across her face like a sunset, and Evelyn felt herself soften.
‘And I knew that the woman from those pages couldn’t have hurt her own child. I just didn’t know what had actually happened. And now I do, now that everything makes more sense to me, I know I was right about you in the first place. Of course you couldn’t have done anything that might have harmed Scarlet.’ Pip bit her lip. ‘And how about you, Evelyn? Do you still want to spend time with me, knowing I doubted you?’
Evelyn had to think about it for less than half a second.
‘I wouldn’t want to spend time with you if you hadn’t doubted me,’ she replied.
42
Tea and scones finished and with their relationship on a slightly firmer footing, they set back off along the prom towards the house. Evelyn reached for Pip’s arm for support without comment this time, and Pip’s heart warmed at the intimacy of the gesture. It felt good to be trusted like that, to be needed.
The wind was still blowing in off the water, although the sky was now a cloudless, perfect blue. Pip wished they had a kite, and then wondered where the thought had come from. She hadn’t flown a kite in as long as she could remember. Was her old one still buried in a cupboard somewhere at the farm? She’d ask her mother when she got back. Hell, she might even buy herself a new one and bring it down to the beach. She pictured herself running along the beach tugging at the string, a huge brightly coloured diamond flying along behind her, its tail ribbons dancing like little butterflies. Did you ever get too old for things like that? Rose would have thought you did, but Pip definitely didn’t agree.