“Nah, not really,” she said. “But he’s let me down so often. I don’t want to trust him to be there for me and be let down again.”
“This is a whole new Howard,” Janette said. “In fact, he became a whole new Howard a long time ago. Remember, I’ve known him since he and your mother were engaged. He had a short attention span, thought only about himself, was fixated on making sure he was deliriously happy all the time, and was easily bored. And let’s be honest, doing nice things for others was never one of his gifts. But he’s changed. I guess I noticed the change about the time I was going through my divorce—for the first time since I’ve known him he became kind and caring. He was always charming, that’s how he racked up so many conquests. But he went beyond charm and began to act as though he actually cared about people. He was very supportive of me when Carl left me and I was in a bad way, at least briefly. I think it was all his failed marriages and relationships. It took its toll. I think he took stock of his losses.”
“He really started acting wounded when my mom got sick,” Kaylee said.
“We all noticed that,” Terri said.
“But it was about the time you graduated from college that he began to change. He was married for the third time and it wasn’t going well. You weren’t around that much. You were busy with your job, then Dixon, then your divorce—you know. Life. And he started visiting with Meredith more, talking to her more. They went out to dinner now and then. Not a lot, but a few times. She said he was a little lost. Don’t get me wrong, she didn’t feel sorry for him or anything. But she said that underneath it all he was a good man. She also said they would never be anything but friends and even that was a miracle.
“And she said he really cared about you,” Janette added. “But you were a stubborn girl, just like your mom. You said that was fine, that he cared. A little late, but what the hell.”
“Yeah, I was not impressed,” Kaylee said. “She asked me to be kind to him. She kept reminding me that he was my father, as if I needed reminding.”
“Can I tell you, cookie? People will hurt us. Disappoint us and let us down. Sometimes we just can’t forgive them. I’ll never forgive Carl, even though I am in a much better place since he left me. Of course, Carl never asked to be forgiven, either. But my son has let me down several times. He can be such an ignoramus, and I’ll give him as many chances as I have in me. There’s one thing—when they say they’re sorry and ask to be forgiven, that’s a big step. I may be a fool, but that’s a step worth acknowledging. I put on my body armor, remind myself of the truth of their character, stay cautious and alert, and give them a chance. An apology and an effort are both rare and valuable.”
“The queen has spoken,” Korby said.
“You can make fun of me if you want, but I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I’ve been studying this for a long time. I see clients who are angry and unforgiving. I see them trying not to be when they’re certainly entitled. And sometimes I see them when they’re moving on, no longer fueled by the anger. I always hope I’ll see them by then so I can remind them to protect themselves by maintaining boundaries.
“If Kaylee asked my advice I would say, see Howard on your terms in your time. And if you think there’s a reason he might offer some comfort, take it.”
“How can Howard possibly offer me comfort now?” Kaylee asked.
“There are some ways. He went to a lot of trouble to set up this little party, thinking it would make you happy. Which it did. And you can probably share memories of your mother together. You might even learn some things about her that you weren’t aware of. There is no question in my mind, Howard loved your mother. He told her he regretted ending their marriage, and I can see why. I doubt she told him but she came to be grateful because she landed in a better place. She told me that was how she felt. It was the same with me. I was devastated when Carl left me, but a year later I saw how much better my life was as a single woman than the wife of a man who put himself first, who never worried about my happiness. Of course neither of us, your mom or me, felt inclined to thank the bums for cheating and abandoning us.”
“I suppose a lot of women come to you when they’ve been abandoned by their spouse,” Korby said.
“That’s who mostly comes to me. Some of them are left in impossible situations—no job, no money, kids to take care of. There’s so much to overcome. I get to watch them gain their independence and blossom. Meredith and I did all right; our exes paid some child support.”