“Parents live separate existences outside of their children,” she admits, her voice coated in irony and edged in bitterness. “We play ignorant to a hell of a lot, for your sake, so you can experience life and learn your own hard lessons. It’s one of the hardest parts of being a parent.” She swallows. “Your father and I gave you a ton of leeway, because you never—not once—disappointed us, even when you made mistakes.” Her eyes sweep over me in obvious devastation. “You have utterly and completely destroyed that faith and trust.”
My face heats as fresh tears fill my eyes. “Mom, I—”
“I was in love with another man before I met and married your father. He was fucking beautiful…and good in bed.” Shocked by her candor, I’m stunned speechless. “He was everything I thought I wanted, but nothing at all that I needed. Eventually, he took advantage of my love for him and turned me into someone unrecognizable. He used me up before he let me go, and because I loved him so much, I let him.”
A tear glides down her face, her voice surprisingly strong when she starts again. “If you’re lucky enough, you get a few chances at love in your life, but you don’t really get to decide which loves get the best and worst of you…at least at first. In hindsight, that’s the conclusion I came to. A na?ve heart always gets hit the hardest, but a mature heart makes better choices. Some of that comes with age, but a lot of it has to do with the amount of break it can withstand before it wises up. I knew about Stella. I’ve always known.” She resumes running the brush along Percy’s thick mane. “He told me their story not long after we met.”
The damning curiosity that cost me, keeps me mute.
“I was just as forthcoming with my own story. It was our first bonding point and common ground. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other physically, but because we were so raw—so straightforward—with each other, we came together as the most honest versions of ourselves. Truth is, neither of us gave a damn if we turned the other off with the bluntest version of our personalities. But that thing we had when we met was so hard to ignore, though it was heavily lust-induced and comforting. Until it wasn’t, and when the dynamic changed, it terrified us both—more so him. I don’t think he expected to love me. I don’t know if I even wanted to love him. We both held out as long as we could. I knew your father was getting nervous that he was starting to fall, and he’d been burned just as badly as I had.” She shakes her head as memories surface clearly in her eyes, a soft smile lifting her lips. “Eventually, I acknowledged that I was crazy in love with him, but the truth is, he fell for me first. And when we gave in and clicked together, hearts and bodies, the same way we met, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.” She swallows, and I can feel the anger vibrating from her frame. “I walked down that aisle toward your father without any hesitation in my step. With a mature heart still capable of being set on fire, and I’ve never once resented Stella or her place in his.” She turns to me then, eyes brimming. “At least, not until last night.”
“Mom, I wanted to tell you—”
“No, you didn’t,” she snaps crossly. “It took me a hot second to figure out why you were asking me so many questions about how your father and I got together, about the timeline…until it clicked.” I see the utter devastation in her expression as her voice begins to shake. “It clicked that my own daughter questioned the authenticity of my twenty-three-year marriage and believed it to be such a farce that she sought answers from someone other than me.”
“M-mom, I’m so sorry. I know Daddy loves you. I was just—”
“You had your chance,” she interrupts as she aggressively wipes her face with her T-shirt sleeve. “I had to know,” she continues. “So I went to your desk, and I found the file and the emails between them,” she bites her lip as tears roll freely down her cheeks and she draws her brows. “I can only imagine how inspired you were by them and how boring we must have seemed to you over the years. I felt everything between them, right along with you.” Her lower lip trembles. “I felt how much he wanted her, loved her. I felt his pain, too,” she shakes her head as tears collect and pool at her chin. “It did something to me I can’t really explain…but I guess that’s why you couldn’t either. Why you wouldn’t come to me.” She turns and faces me fully, the desolation in her expression ripping me apart.