“Maybe you should,” his expertly thrown dagger lands squarely in my chest. “Yeah, Natalie, that’s what I want.”
A three-alarm fire begins to roar in my throat as he presses in.
“Oh, sorry, did that hurt?”
“Like hell,” I admit. “Happy?”
“Sure,” he spouts dryly.
“Well, that’s all I want for you.”
“Jesus,” he rakes an impatient hand through his hair, hazel eyes drilling unforgivingly. “You really just talk at people, don’t you?”
“You loved that about me once.”
“No, that’s the one thing I couldn’t take about you. You’ve got immaculate perception about everyone that comes into your life, but play completely fucking blind on the perception to help yourself.”
“I’m wide awake, Easton, and bullseye accurate on my perceptions of you. I don’t need help knowing what’s good for me.”
“No, you’re beyond that,” he fires back before projecting his voice. “Come on, Misty. We’re leaving.”
“Five more minutes,” she replies, oblivious, before diving back into conversation with Holly.
I can’t help my snort. “She seems really attuned to you. Congratulations.”
“Don’t be petty.”
“Then don’t be a prick!” I whisper-yell, before tempering myself. “Look, I’m sorry if this situation is upsetting you. I don’t want this to get ugly.”
“Of course, you’re sorry. God forbid, you have one selfish fucking moment where the whole of your sentiments can ring true.”
“I’m all too painfully aware of the mistakes I’ve made, Easton. I wanted to tell you last night, but you didn’t want to hear me.”
He tosses back the rest of his drink and pushes his chair back to stand.
“You didn’t want a divorce.”
His eyes snap to mine.
“The day you came to me with the book, you wanted me to stop it. I didn’t ask why you hadn’t signed because I was too wrapped up in my pain and residual anger to realize we were still married, but you knew that. You wanted me to stop you. Tell me I’m wrong.”
Slowly easing back down into his chair, he hooks an elbow over the back of it. “What’s the point?”
“The point is that I’m not asleep, not playing immune, or ignorant—but you are, and have been since you saw me last night. You don’t want my truth, and I know why. You’re scared of it, and trust me, the more we confirm it, it scares me too.”
His nostrils flare in annoyance, but I press in, my aching chest rattling with awareness that I may never get this chance again.
“I get why you’re doing it, and I know it’s my fault, and that hurts like hell.” I swallow. “I know my own apology is long overdue, but hey,” I shrug. “I’m just taking a page from your ruthless and blunt playbook because let’s face it, you’re still you, and I’m still me. You’re being a hypocrite right now, because you still seem to think being brutally honest is the best damned way to handle every situation, but you don’t want mine anymore. Tell me why, Easton.”
His expression turns to stone. “You were drunk.”
“I haven’t had a drop in five hours, so let’s test your theory, shall we?”
He searches my expression, his own wary. “Natalie—”
“Call me Beauty,” I snap, eyes watering, “I prefer it because that’s who you’re talking to, or rather who you’re refusing to listen to.”
His shifts uncomfortably as I resign myself.
“Here’s a newsflash for you, Easton. Despite your beliefs, brutal honesty is not the best way to conduct yourself in every situation. It’s not the bravest way, either. There’s a difference between being brave—ready to face and endure danger or pain, and inappropriate—which means not suitable or proper in the circumstances.” I lift my chin defiantly. “But I’m trying to be brave in lieu of inappropriate because inappropriate would be confessing that I’m still wholly, unconditionally, and definitively in love with you while you’re on a romantic getaway in Mexico with your girlfriend!”
Easton’s nostrils flare as all heads start to turn our way. Battered heart spurring me on, I mentally glove up.
“You want truth? You want brutal honesty? The truth is, for the last two days, I’ve been sitting on the beach drowning in the realization that while loving you helped me recognize my worst fear, losing you left me living in it. Any life I live without you now will feel like settling.” Fear for what I’m doing threatens, but I push through it as Easton stares back at me, his stoic expression unforgiving. In the past it would have intimidated me, but I know better.