During the flight, I drew upon memories that made Texas feel most like home. One of them was the day we spent at the farmer’s market beneath the sun, sharing food and smiles while switching papers. A day that remains one of my favorites. I already miss Texas, and I’m nervous about starting the job at Seattle Waves because I have a feeling that I’ll hate my new editor. My last one is irreplaceable. I miss him every single day. But I feel…safe here.
Love,
Stella
Nate Butler
RE: Subject: I’m Here
September 12, 2010, 8:04 a.m.
Go with your gut; know it’s a good one to trust because it brought you where you are. If you get overwhelmed, just remember how far you’ve come from that day you waltzed in here wearing a Pulp Fiction, Samuel Jackson “Tasty Burger” T-shirt and demanding that I take you seriously. I was just at the market yesterday and thought of that day too. It’s definitely a Stella thing.
What have I told you about starting sentences with the word but?
I can’t be sure, but I feel your old editor really doesn’t miss your bullshit, or your defense of Stellisms, you know, the words you bent and tried to pass for English that don’t exist in the dictionary. Nor does he miss schooling you on proper news etiquette. Or maybe he does. One thing is certain.
Texas misses you.
I fucking miss you.
Always,
Nate Butler
Editor in Chief, Austin Speak
Nate Butler
Subject: Making Waves
October 3, 2010, 6:03 p.m.
Subject Line pun intended. I’m so proud of you. You’re turning that no-name paper into a fuel source for shaky subscribers. I have zero doubt Seattle Waves will be a reputable ‘rag’ in no time. While you were a force to be reckoned with here in Austin, you’re a fucking hurricane now, Stella. You outgrew this paper and Texas far before you left it. I regret not giving you more leeway. Please, don’t hold back now. Not for anything or anyone. As much as I hate admitting this, seeing your growth there makes it even more apparent you made the right decision to go. You’re thriving. I’m proud.
Always,
Nate Butler
Editor in Chief, Austin Speak
Stella Emerson
RE: Subject: Making Waves
October 4, 2010, 4:34 p.m.
Nate,
I haven’t been taken seriously as a journalist all damned day due to your email. It was the first thing I saw this morning, and coming from my harshest critic, you know how much it means to me. So, because of that, I’ve been smiling like a lunatic and getting odd looks. You would think I would be used to that by now. I’ll be honest, I’m more in love now with this place than ever because I feel I’m on the precipice of something I can’t explain. I don’t love how much the fit feels right for reasons you’re aware of. At the same time, I’m embracing Seattle. I’m hugging her back, hard. So much so that I’m about to start house hunting. I know, right? Can you fucking believe it? I’m laying roots for the first time ever, and ironically, I’m not scared. It’s like I can picture it, and I’m already there, but Texas is always with me.
Love,
Stella
Stella Emerson
Subject: I’m Sorry
November 9, 2010, 9:00 p.m.
I know why you didn’t answer. I’m so sorry for anything those headlines might have made you feel. Running into Reid was completely unexpected. I don’t know if you want a single detail. I know I wouldn’t, but please know it wasn’t planned. I’m sure you will tell me not to feel guilty, but I fucking do. It hurts me so much to know you were probably blindsided by that picture. Please believe I don’t want any tension or resentment between us, but the sinking feeling inside me tells me it’s unavoidable. Nate, this is the first time in my life that I hate my profession and journalism as a whole. I never wanted to become any part of a headline, let alone one that could damage the two of us.
I’m sorry. I miss hearing from you and wish you would or felt like you could still talk to me.
Love,
Stella
Scrambling, I look up the headlines for November 9, 2010, and see a candid picture of Stella and Reid, tucked away and kissing on a side street in Seattle—and it’s no PG kiss. Not even close. Obviously, they thought they were hidden from view. The article goes on to identify Stella and speculate what this could mean for the Dead Sergeants’ notoriously single drummer. My heart sinks as I read my father’s reply.
Nate Butler
Re: Subject: I’m sorry
November 10, 2010, 3:00 a.m.
Don’t be. Texas is no longer your home, and it’s evident. You’re making another life. I think we’ve always known what that would eventually include. Please don’t let your worry for me overshadow your happiness.