Clinking bottlenecks with my band, I process the fact that I finally have the backup I’ve been holding out and hoping for since I started. Even if we didn’t find each other in some sort of kismet way like I’ve read about in countless other stories, there’s a reason we chose every single one of them. There’s a place for them and for me. Though the shift from me to us is uncomfortable, the payoff of relinquishing control marks our true beginning.
In this moment, I realize there’s only one person I want to call and share my elation with. It’s the unanswered phone calls in the last month that keep me from attempting to do so.
She’s barricaded us on opposite sides of a dead end.
Victory diminishing by the second due to her blatant rejection, I finally understand the crushing weight of defeat in the word I most despise—can’t.
I decide to hate her a little for it because her refusal has made the word part of my vocabulary. The attempt to get back to that euphoric place we created has proved futile. The more she sticks to her stance, the more frustrated I become. This only leads to me concluding she’s far more villain than she believes herself to be.
Daily, she’s stealing my peace of mind with her cruel indifference and purposeful absence. Try as she might, I’m positive I wasn’t the only one who felt a sort of revelation, an undeniable shift during the time we spent together, especially the last few hours. She can feign ignorance and apathy all she wants, but I felt it too substantially—and from her as well—to believe otherwise.
What she’s made abundantly clear is that I’m no competition when it comes to her love and loyalty for Nate Butler. Over that, I have absolutely no control.
She may be a vulture too, for picking me to the bone and consuming my waking thoughts. Draining my beer, anger simmering for the list of can-nots when it comes to Natalie Butler, I do the only thing I can and numb the imprinted details of her face to a blur with my new band.
Here with Me
Susie Suh, Robot Koch
Natalie
One Month Later…
“Earth to Natalie.” Holly impatiently snaps her fingers in front of my face and I find myself ripped from another daydream. The budding summer sun burns hot on my shoulders as I lower the fork raised halfway to my mouth.
Mere seconds ago, I was in Easton’s truck, hair whipping around my face just as he glanced over and our eyes locked, resulting in the inevitable jolt. Crashing back into my current reality, I dart my gaze over to Holly, ready with a quick apology. “I’m so sorry. What were you saying?”
“That’s the third time you’ve spaced out on me in fifteen minutes. I’m not rehashing all of that again,” she utters dryly, glowering at me. “What is with you lately?”
Easton called, again, and I didn’t answer, again.
“It’s like every time I talk to you, you space out when I get to the goods.”
“I’m sorry,” I offer weakly. “I told you I’ve been working my ass off. I’m just tired.”
“Yeah, well, you aren’t the only one, or did you forget I just graduated?”
“I know. I was there,” I grin, “and I’m so proud of you.”
Seeming satisfied for the moment, she runs a manicured finger through her glossy dark brown ponytail, her matching eyes imploring.
“We need to have some fun. I don’t start my internship for a few weeks. Want to take off this weekend?”
“I’ve got a lot of work to do. It’s not the best time.”
“You always have a lot of work to do,” she whines. “Come on, if I get Damon in on it, we can hit Nola and get a stupid expensive suite on his dime.”
“Maybe,” I avoid looking at my phone that rests face down on the table. Easton’s called me twice a week for the last two months. Every time I don’t answer, he lets it ring to voicemail. Every time I check it, the message is full of dead air and background noise as if he wants to speak but stops himself.
No texts, just two weekly calls without a message which I consider just punishment since I’m vying to hear any word from him but can’t bring myself to answer.
By the time I touched down in Austin, Easton had released his first single. I’ll never be able to wrap my head around the shock of hearing the news on the ride home before frantically scanning the radio to listen to it playing. It wasn’t just any song, either, but the one we’d made crazy, life-altering love to a few hours before. It felt like he was calling me back to him.
As soon as Easton’s single hit the airwaves, it went viral on every forum and media outlet. Even ESPN made a comment about it during a sportscast.