“I became an alcoholic in the army,” Chase said, her voice soft. “When we were in Afghanistan, we’d have layovers here and there, and everyone would get shit faced. You know, to kill the loneliness. When I got back home, it carried over. That, and the nightmares.”
“When did you get into drugs?” Jason asked.
“That wasn’t until I got back. I was drinking so much that I needed an upper to get going.”
“Meth?” Jason asked.
“Sand Mountain’s finest.” She took a sip of water. “That’s another reason why I should have shot Tyson Cade the other night.”
“Did you buy from him?”
“Everyone who buys meth in Marshall County gets it from Cade.” She snapped the words off as if she were firing them from a gun.
Jason leaned back in his chair and stared at her. He wanted to ask more questions about the dealer, but the agitated look on Chase’s face made him decide against it. “So . . . what happened?”
“I went to rehab for forty-five days. Since getting out last November, I try to make at least one AA meeting every couple of weeks.”
Jason rubbed his chin, thinking through what she’d said. “You said the nightmares carried over?”
“At least one a week.”
“Forgive me for asking, but did you . . . I mean, while you were in the army—”
“Did I kill anyone?” she interrupted.
“Well, yeah.”
“Not directly . . . but yes.”
“How?”
“I flew Apache attack helicopters. The crew in our vessel fired on targeted locations and yes, we killed enemy soldiers.” She took another sip of water.
“When was the last time you flew a helicopter?”
“Last week, actually. I’m a MedFlight pilot for the hospital. It’s an on-call job, and I don’t get called often. I also give firearms classes twice a week at the shooting range the Tonidandels own in Grant, Alabama.”
Jason looked at her. She was gazing out over the water. She wore a faded gray Rolling Stones T-shirt over mesh shorts. Her skin was olive brown, her do up in a ponytail with a couple of stray hairs dangling in her eyes that she kept batting away. She was beautiful, he thought. Just as she’d been when she was seventeen years old and they’d taken the canoe down into the back of the cove, where the water narrowed to a creek and the water was ice cold from the natural spring. Where they’d held hands and walked along the rocks, yellow wildflowers swaying in the grass. Where they’d eventually taken their clothes off and swam and splashed and kissed, and Jason placed a flower in her hair. And, eventually, after laying a couple of towels down in the small boat, they’d made love. His first time. Her first time. When they were engaged in the act, it felt like everything had stopped. His breath. His heart beating. All he could remember was the intoxicating odor of wildflowers and the incredible sensation of pleasure and fear and anxiety rolled up into long moments of bliss.
When it was over, the moment gone, a few droplets of blood on the towel and the flower dislodged from Chase’s hair, Jason had felt like everyone in the world was watching them. He’d wondered whether that was how Adam had felt after eating the forbidden fruit. He was so self-conscious, and Chase’s face had beamed red. They’d barely said a word to each other on the boat ride home, and she’d softly cried. Nothing had been the same after that. They’d still fished some off the dock that summer, but they’d never kissed again.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Chase asked. “You drifted away.”
Jason wanted to tell her what he was thinking but, at the last second, changed course. Too soon, he thought. “When’s the last time you had meth?” he asked.
“Haven’t touched it since going to rehab,” Chase said.
“And alcohol?”
She frowned and looked up at the sky. “The night after you came back, I took down a half a fifth of Wild Turkey so . . . what was that? Almost two months ago?”
“What was the trigger?” Jason asked, thinking he had a pretty good idea.
“You,” she said.
He swallowed, not knowing what to say. For several seconds, they looked at each other, and then Jason broke eye contact, gazing out at the lake instead. “Well, I’m sorry,” he managed.
“What triggered you last night?” she asked.
“I was overwhelmed by everything. The case. Tyson Cade. And . . . I think Jana’s lying to me about what really happened.”