“I know the formula for time, Connor.”
“I know, you know,” he replies with a smile. “I just like the way your forehead wrinkles when you think I’m insulting you.”
“When you are insulting me.”
“That’s your perspective,” he says and looks to me. “Hi, Lily. Big day.”
I shrug nonchalantly, and Rose gives me a hard stare. “It is a big day, Lily,” she reinforces. “This is when you commit to getting better.”
“Right,” I say with a nod. “I think I’m just nervous.”
Connor frowns. “Why? Isn’t this the easy part? You’ve been away from Lo for nearly three months and you haven’t cheated,” he pauses and adds, “according to Rose.”
“I haven’t cheated,” I affirm. “I’m just not a hundred-percent comfortable talking about this stuff yet.” I’ve kept my addiction a secret so long that sharing requires a lot more courage than someone like Connor or Rose could ever understand.
“It will feel better when you get everything off your chest,” Rose assures me. She turns to look at the house and then glances anxiously at her watch. Her lips purse before she says, “Ryke better be here soon. The housewarming party starts in fifteen minutes.”
Daisy, Poppy, my parents and basically the whole brood are invited, and they cannot witness this act of symbolic declaration. The rest of my family remains in the dark about my addiction until I decide I’m ready to tell them. I’m not sure if that day will come anytime soon.
“Shouldn’t you have waited for Lo to have the party?” Connor asks. “He’s going to be living here, right?”
Lo will move into our little secluded house. I talked with Dr. Banning and she agreed that we should live together if we want to continue to have a relationship. The only stipulation and change from our normal routine is that we actually have to live together. No more separate rooms and secret lives. At this juncture, we may be co-dependent but our addiction to each other may very well kick our other ones. Helping rather than enabling. If Dr. Banning thinks Lo is a huge key to my success （not an obstacle）， then I believe it. She’s smarter than me after all.
Rose will still be living at the house too, making sure Lo and I mingle with the family instead of resorting to our reclusive ways. The plan actually seems feasible. But I know it may not be easy. Nothing ever is.
I asked her if she was going to invite Connor to stay with us. There’s an extra bedroom for him if she wanted to still have privacy. But I forgot that Connor attends Penn, too far away to permanently reside here. However, her answer didn’t involve distance. She told me that their relationship hasn’t progressed to that status yet, and she wouldn’t be comfortable asking him. I read between the lines.
They haven’t had sex.
Rose may be the most confident woman I know, but when it comes to talking about her sex life—she might as well turn as red as me. She can read textbooks and clinically diagram the reproductive system without blushing. Hell, she impersonated me, acting as though she had a sex addiction to dozens of therapists. But telling someone about herself is like pulling rotten teeth. She tries to keep her private life private, but I think it’s more than that. I think she’s scared to admit how she feels. She wants people to think she’s this ice queen, but in reality, she fears just like the rest of us.
Sometimes I think we’re more alike than different. Maybe that’s why we’re sisters.
Rose turns to answer Connor’s question. “Lo would hate this party. I’m doing him a favor.”
She has a point.
“Do you think he’s going to be pissed you’re living with us?” I ask Rose with a smile. She’s never been his favorite person. Honestly, I just hope I can survive in the same vicinity as them. They may kill each other or kill me in the crossfire.
“He’ll have to deal,” Rose snaps.
Connor looks to me. “You and Lo need to live alone together like a fat kid needs to live in Candyland,” he pauses, realizing this could be taken as either good or bad, depending on “perspective.” So he adds, “He’d die.”
I gape, an image of a chubby kid’s corpse popping in my head, his cheeks stuffed with candy corn. My open mouth contorts into an extreme downturned frown, grossed out at the disturbing metaphor. “Ewwww…” I cringe and wiggle my arms to shake off the image.
Rose rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling at his response. That’s why they’re together, I think.