She waited until Anthony came up for the weekend, and didn’t say anything to him about it before that. They were paying her a fortune to do it. But she wasn’t doing it for the money, although that was nice too. She was doing it because it was her dream, and she knew she had to do it. And she expected Anthony to know that too.
There was no avoiding the subject. He could tell that she was hiding something, and she didn’t want to conceal it from him. She told him about the call an hour after he got there.
“You turned them down, I hope?” he said, looking tense, his eyes never leaving hers.
“I couldn’t. I’ve waited all my life for this, and you know it. I have to do it.”
“And risk your life as a jockey? Competing against men?” He looked horrified.
“I’m not going to die, Anthony. This is my dream,” she said quietly.
“I thought we were your dream, you and I. If I ask you not to do it, will you turn it down?” He was turning it into a proving ground, and a test, which wasn’t fair. She didn’t answer for a moment, and then shook her head. It was a crucial moment in their relationship, and she knew it. But she couldn’t give up the race for him.
“I can’t. Don’t ask me to do that. It’s not right. I’ve wanted to be a jockey as long as I’ve been riding.”
“What about us?”
“Why can’t we do both? I’m not going to race forever. But give me a year. There’s talk that they’ll allow women to race in the Kentucky Derby next year. It would be the high point of my life.”
“I don’t want to be married to a jockey. What do you want, Annie? Me? Us? Or to be a jockey? You can’t have both.” His eyes were like steel as he looked at her. He had dug his heels in. He had never said it as clearly before. She was twenty-five and didn’t want to give up her dreams or lose them.
“Why not? Why do I have to give up my dreams to marry you?”
“Because I don’t want to be married to a woman who could die any day of the week, or break her neck and be paralyzed, just because she wants the thrill of winning and can’t give it up. It’s not compatible with marriage and having babies, and you know it.”
“So we wait a year. Let me race for a year, and then I’ll quit. I promise.” After the Kentucky Derby if the runors were true and she could compete in it in a year.
“I don’t believe you. You won’t quit. It’s in your blood. You have a decision to make,” he said in a voice that was pure ice. “If you go to Kentucky and ride in this race, it’s over with us. I’m finished. If you want to be married to me, turn the race down. Once you start riding as a jockey in legitimate races against men, you’ll never give it up. I know you.” She knew he was right, and she was willing to make the sacrifice for him, but not just yet. She wanted to live her dreams first. This was her chance. He gave her a hard look that left no room for argument. “Let me know what you decide,” he said, and slammed out of his father’s house, where they’d been discussing it. His father was in his office and had left them the house. She heard Anthony’s car drive away.
She was heartbroken over his decision, but she thought he was being unreasonable, and there was no way she was going to give up this race for him. It was a huge deal and the beginning of a whole new chapter of her life. She had waited all her life to be a jockey, legally, in the big leagues, not some second-rate amateur race. She had waited two and a half years to get engaged and become his wife. There was no choice in her mind. She was going to the States, and if he couldn’t live with it, then he wasn’t the right man for her. She was not going to give up her dreams for him. And if he loved her, he wouldn’t ask her to.
She didn’t call Anthony and he didn’t call her. Three weeks later, she was on the plane to Kentucky. Her dreams with Anthony were over. Her dreams of being a jockey just meant too much to her to give up, even for him, and she truly loved him. She expected him to understand how much the race meant to her. He did, which was why he had left her and hadn’t called. The race meant more to her than he did.
Chapter 17
The race in Kentucky in June was the most exciting event of her life. It lived up to all her expectations. The horse she was hired to ride was spectacular. She had heard about the breeder for years but never met him. Lord Hatton knew him, and had guessed that they would give her a fabulous horse to ride and he’d been right. The queen had called to wish her luck. Victoria had sent a telegram, and Jonathan had called and told her she could do it, to focus and think of nothing else.