But with that all being said, I’m unsure what he wants now.
I know we said some passionate things while in the moment, but now that he’s had me, what happens next? Do we sleep together? Do I go back to my room? I truly hate the “after sex” moment.
Cautiously, I sit up on his bed, the covers falling around my torso, and I ask, “So . . . do you, uh, do you want me to go back to my room?” I twist the sheets in my hand, hoping he says no.
Determination on his face, he struts toward me and leans on the bed as he grips my chin. Keeping our eyes connected, he says, “You’re mine, which means you sleep in my bed. Understood?” A smile spreads across my face as I steal a kiss, only for him to flatten me to the bed, his large warm body covering mine. His hand smooths over my cheek as he stares down at me. “How’s your head?”
“It hurts a little.” I wince.
His face flashes with concern. “Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have—”
I cover his lips with my fingers before he can say anything else. “Don’t. I just have a headache, that’s all.”
“I shouldn’t have been so rough.”
“You weren’t,” I reassure him. “I promise. You didn’t hurt me. You were so perfect.”
Still not pleased, he lifts from me and says, “I’m going to grab you some Ibuprofen and a drink.”
There’s no arguing with him as he slips on a pair of shorts and heads out of the room. There he goes again, needing to protect at all hours. So, I curl into his sheets and let out a heavy sigh.
I’ve had my fair share of sex before, the kinky kind that you only hear about, never experience, but they’ve never been as toe-curling, as satisfying, as what I just shared with Keller. There was an emotional level to our intimacy that I wasn’t expecting. His need to protect, to provide, translates into the bedroom, and he made me feel so safe, so important.
He always says I matter most, and that’s how he makes me feel. Like I truly matter.
I never realized how lost I was until I came here. I thought my life felt established. I had friends, some boyfriends here and there, still searching for the right one, and a thriving business. I thought that’s what life was about to survive: friends, a job, and a place to live.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth, especially for me.
For someone who lost the two most important people in her life, who lost her home, and her possessions, I need so much more than skimming the surface. I didn’t need a routine, I need depth.
I need this country, where it feels as if my mother is surrounding me.
These people, who share the same traditions as I did growing up.
The culture, a culture I never knew was instilled in me until I came here.
And this man, someone who has my back, who fills an empty void I’ve been missing all these years.
I want to make him proud. I want to do the right thing, to show him that I’m more than the girl he first met, that this country means just as much to me as it does to him. Because it truly does, I’ve realized during the last few days, and it feels like home here.
I know it for sure.
Keller walks back into the room with a glass of water and medicine in his palm. Once I swallow the pills and take an extra sip of water, he retrieves the glass from me and sets it on the night table.
When he turns back to me on the bed, he cups my cheek as he speaks sincerely. “Let’s get you some rest.”
At the edge of the bed, he removes his shorts, and then he climbs under the covers, joining me. I curl into him, resting my head on his shoulder, as his arm that’s around me rests along my back, keeping me close.
“Comfortable?” he asks.
“Very,” I answer.
His thumb dances over my hip while he asks, “You’d tell me if I hurt you?”
“I would. And I promise, you didn’t.” I kiss his jaw. “I’ve never felt more cared for than when I’m in your arms.”
“Good,” he answers and then goes silent.
“Hey, Keller?”
“Hmm?”
“Can I talk to you about something?”
“You can talk to me about anything,” he says.
I raise up and change my position so I’m leaning across his chest, looking down at him, face to face. “I want to say something to you but I don’t want you to think it’s spur of the moment, or because we just had sex or anything like that. I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”
“Okay.” His hand falls on my bare hip.