“Lilly,” I say quietly. “Maybe we should talk about this—”
“I see no problem in them dating, do you, Katla?” Theo says, still grinning.
“No, I don’t see why it would be an issue. Keller is an excellent young man. You have good taste, Lilija.”
My gaze falls to theirs as the insides of my body start to itch, my insecurities roaring to life. It’s true that I’ve had a lot to do with Queen Katla over the years. She loved my mum dearly and was devastated when she died. But I’ve never felt the same connection with her that I feel with Theo. She’s always kept herself more aloof than warm with me. Is she honestly pleased or saying what she believes Lilly wants to hear? I pull on the back of my neck and whisper, “We can talk about this later.”
“Oh, sure, okay,” Lilly says, looking incredibly unsure.
“Lilija, why don’t I show you some of the table runners your mother embroidered over the years?” Katla stands from her seat and holds out her hand.
Lilly lights up as she says, “I’d love that.” She stands as well, Katla takes her hand, and together, they walk over to a dresser on the other side of the room, leaving me with Theo.
He grips the armrest of the settee and then lifts himself up. “Keller, join me in my office.”
I can only imagine what this will be about.
I open the hidden door that leads to his office and watch him slowly walk through. I’m so glad that he’s actually out of bed and not coughing. That relieves me, but it also feels as if he’s aged ten years since I last saw him.
I shut the door behind us, knowing he’s going to want the privacy to lecture me, and we both take a seat in his seating area, each opting for a fabric captain’s chair in a navy blue. They match the curtains that run floor to ceiling in his circular office.
Theo sets his cane down and says, “So, you and Lilly.”
“Yes.” I shift uncomfortably.
“Did that happen after our conversation when I told you to comfort her?”
I shift again. “Yes.”
“Uh-huh, comforted her a little much there?” he teases, but I don’t find it funny.
Looking him in the eyes, I say, “I wasn’t planning on giving in to my feelings, I truly wasn’t. I was trying to keep her at a distance, but . . .” I rub my forehead. “Hell, I just couldn’t stay away. She’s . . . she’s special, Theo. It feels as if she’s always belonged to me.”
“Okay, so then what was that all about back there?” He points to the drawing room.
“We didn’t discuss how we would go about telling you.”
“I think how she did it was perfectly fine.” When I don’t say anything, he continues, “Why are you so uncomfortable?”
“Because—she’s going to be queen one day, Theo.”
“I’m aware and quite happy about that.”
“Yeah, well, she deserves to be with someone who can provide for her, someone with a higher ranking.”
Theo’s brows tilt down in a frown. “When has that ever been an issue with this family?” he asks. “That’s never been a requirement, nor will it ever be.”
“But that’s not what I grew up with.” I punch my hand through my hair. “I grew up knowing my place. My parents instilled it in me. Reminded me every day where I belonged. I’m here to serve, not to pretend I’m someone else.”
“I see, and what exactly do you think that someone else is? Because no one is asking you to pretend. No one is asking you to be anyone but yourself, and from what I can tell, that girl likes you . . . for who you are, nothing else.”
“She does,” I say softly.
“Do you believe you’re not good enough?”
“Yes,” I answer without even having to think about it. I know I’m not good enough.
Theo blows out a breath and then says, “Let me ask you this. Do you love her?”
My gaze meets his and I nod slowly. “Yes, sir. I do.”
“And have you told her this?”
“Yes.”
“Are you worried about what the staff might think? Is that the issue? Because you know I have no problem with the love you share for each other.”
“I’m afraid people will think I’m posing as something I’m not.”
“How about instead of looking at her as a part of the crown, you look at her as someone you just met. Would you think twice about being with her?”
“No, but I’m not afforded that luxury,” I say. “Because that’s not the case here. She’s going to be queen, and if we stay together, if we . . . if we marry one day, that affords me a title, a hefty title.”