A fracture in where my loyalty rests. I want to protect her.
And despite the trustworthy, honest, steadfast man I’ve grown to be, I find myself faltering, and I’m unable to stop from speaking the truth.
“There was a fight,” I say. “Between your mom and Queen Katla.”
“What kind of fight?” She scoots closer to me, her body nearly pressing against mine.
I shouldn’t be telling her this, it’s not my information to tell. Then again, I already cracked, and if I have any luck in this moment, then maybe what I’m about to say will help her understand why she’s here now.
“You must know, Queen Katla has taken her role within the royal family very seriously. Her self-proclaimed duty was to have children, to raise them, and to make sure they contributed to the country in a positive way. When Pala came home with Prince Clinton, the dynamic of the family changed. Queen Katla had been priming her to take the throne, and when they found out her intentions, of leaving Torskethorpe for another country, it felt like a betrayal to the queen, especially because of how hard she worked.”
“I can understand that,” Lilly says.
“The scandal behind the firstborn leaving was almost too much for Queen Katla to bear. So, that night, there was a proclamation made by the queen, that no one was to betray their family again. That their duty, their service, their lives belonged to Torskethorpe.”
“And did my mom not take that well?”
I shake my head. “From what I’ve been told, your mother loved her country more than anything. She enjoyed the rich culture, the simple traditions carried on from generation to generation, but she also was a free spirit, and before she dedicated the rest of her life to the country she loved, she wanted to explore. Queen Katla was so worried that she’d lose Margret just like she lost Pala that she forbade it.”
Lilly winces. “Knowing my mother, she didn’t take that well.”
“She didn’t. And one spring morning, she told King Theo that she was leaving to explore, and he could either support her or lose her forever. He went behind Queen Katla’s back and supported her, because even though King Theo knows the fate of the country rests in his hands, he never put it first. He always put his family ahead of everything else.”
“That’s why Mom sent him pictures and letters.”
I nod. “Yes.”
“So . . . he let her have the life she wanted, sacrificing himself for the sake of her happiness. This means the country must really be in peril if he’s asking me to drop the life I love and take on this complex responsibility.”
“Very much in trouble. But you can’t base your decision on the consequences.” She gets it. Even though it still pains me that I spoke out of turn, I know I did the right thing, because there is clarity in her eyes now. Knowing dinner must be ready, I stand from the bed. “You must base your decision on what’s best for you and you alone, Lilly.” I walk over to her door and place my hand on the doorframe. “Will you be joining us for dinner?”
She shakes her head as she crawls back onto the bed and slips her legs under the blankets. “No, I’m not very hungry at the moment, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be great company either. Please apologize to Brimar for me.” I nod and start to walk away when I hear her call out, “Keller?”
“Yes?” I ask, looking over my shoulder.
“I know that was hard for you, but thank you for telling me. It means a lot.”
I offer her a curt nod and continue down the stairs, where I pause at the landing. My hands twist the wood of the banister as an uneasy feeling flips through my chest, an unrelenting grip attempting to squeeze the air out of my lungs. Realization hits me.
That was private information.
Kept secretly in the vault of undisclosed royal history.
And yet, I so freely offered it to Lilly.
I know the reason why I did it, but I barely blinked before offering it up.
That’s unlike me. I’m a steel trap of information. Growing up in the palace, you learn quickly that the royal family respects you more if you’re able to refuse to disclose valuable information. My parents instilled in me that earning their respect was the highest of honors. So, I became a vault over the years, and it’s one of the main reasons I’m the private secretary to the King of Torskethorpe, because I’m trustworthy.
But Lilly, she just . . . fuck, she pulled that information out of me with one bat of her eyelashes, with one pleading stare. If she can easily pull that out of me, what else can she cause me to divulge?