“I’m not sure what all of this entails, the training, the responsibility, but I feel like if I don’t at least try, then I’m going to regret it.” His eyes pop up to mine, hope resonating in his pupils. “Being here, hearing about my mom, I already feel like I’ve found a piece of me I’ve been missing, and I don’t think I’m ready to give that up. So, I’m going to give this a try. I will give the king two months.”
He controls his smile, never letting it reach his eyes, nor does he allow his excitement to shine, but in the subtle way his chest puffs, to the faint wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, I know my decision has truly brought him joy.
And even though I’m in this to find my soul, like Keller pointed out, I can’t help but feel like bringing Keller joy is something I was meant to do.
Chapter Eight
KELLER
“She agreed,” I say quietly into the phone.
Theo coughs on the other end but then follows up with a choked-up, tear-filled response. “Really? Truly she wants to stay?”
“She said she would give you two months.” I’m almost whispering, not wanting my voice to carry. I snuck up to the bathroom for a shower but knew I had to relay the information to Theo as quickly as possible.
“That’s fair.”
“How do you suppose I convince her in two months? I know we said I would train her, but do you actually want me to do that? It’ll be grueling. It might not be the best way to convince her.”
“No, it’s the only way to convince her,” Theo says. “The idea of painting a perfect picture of what her life could be is appealing, but it’s not the reality of the situation. She needs to understand what she is getting herself into. I might be desperate, but I refuse to deceive my own granddaughter.”
And this is exactly why I love Theo. He’s a man of his word, a man with a conscience. He won’t set out to circumvent you, he’ll be truthful and honest.
“You don’t want me to take it easy on her?”
“No, because if she becomes queen, she needs to be mentally fortified in order to take the brutal hardships of the responsibility.”
“Understood. Shall we remain here, at Harrogate?”
“Given the swirl of media and rumors, I believe it’s best.”
“And Katla—does she know?”
“She does,” Theo responds. “I’d like to say she’s happy, but I think she’s more worried than anything. I’m not sure she wants to meet Lilija out of fear she’ll lose her. I’m attempting to convince her otherwise. She’s lost so much, so I understand her apprehension.”
“I see. And what should I expect with your involvement in this?”
“Not much.” His voice comes out breathy right before he falls into a litany of coughs that only makes my chest feel tighter. I know he’s getting better, the doctor has said so, but the cough is still frightening. “We haven’t found the leak and I don’t want anyone bothering her. I need to keep my interactions small.”
“Okay, but I can guarantee you, her reason for attempting to try is based on the connection she feels toward her mom, and toward you.”
“I’ll do my best. You know I wish this was different. You know I wish I could be there.”
“I know,” I say softly. “But I think you should at least try to talk to her.”
“We’ll try to make that happen. I’m just . . . I don’t want her to see me sick like this. I don’t want that to make her decision for her.”
“I understand,” I say as I stare at my reflection in the mirror.
“I have faith in you, Keller, my son.”
I squeeze my eyes shut as a bout of emotion wreaks havoc on my mind. “Thank you. I’ll keep you updated.”
We say our goodbyes, then I hang up the phone and set it on the ledge of the sink before gripping the porcelain and leaning forward. The weight of the world rests on my shoulders. The future of the country. Lilly’s trust . . . it all rests in the palm of my hand.
And what terrifies me the most . . . is crushing Lilly’s trust.
I felt the way she looked at me last night, the way her eyes ate me up. I’d have to have turned a blind eye to not see it, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t have a damned machismo effect on me.
Fuck, it made me feel like a goddamn man.
The hitch of her breath. The licking of her lips. The inability not to stare. She was unashamed of her perusal, and even though I told her not to look at me like that, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.