Doesn’t he see the absolute torment he’s putting us both through?
Tears spring to the corners of my eyes, my frustration overflowing.
And then, the creak of a board. I open my eyes just in time to see him bend over me with a warm cloth that he drags over my stomach, cleaning up his mess.
When he’s done, he takes my hand and lifts me to a seated position. From the ground, he picks up my shirt and helps me put it back on. Once I’m dressed, he pulls down the blankets of my bed and picks me up, only to place me under the covers. The way he handles me brings forth a whole new sense of serve and protect, but it also causes my throat to grow tight. Because I want this.
I want his gentle touch.
I want his aftercare.
I want him.
“Keller—”
He leans over my head, bringing his mouth close to mine, silencing me before I can even start saying what’s on my mind. Quietly, he says, “I can’t have you, Lilly.”
His sentence slices through me like a sharp blade. I should’ve known that’s what he was going to say, but I can’t give up on him. We’re so close.
I sift my hand through the hair on the back of his neck. “Don’t pull away, Keller. Please don’t.”
“That’s the fucked-up part, Lilly.” He lowers his head, shaking it. I wait with bated breath as he gathers himself, and when our eyes lock again, he repeats, “I can’t have you, but I also can’t NOT have you.” His voice is a growl, a proclamation, and before I can respond, his mouth descends upon mine.
And he kisses me.
Actually freaking kisses me.
Shocked, stunned, and relieved, I hold him in place as I part my lips, letting him slip his tongue into my mouth, where he tangles with mine. He rests some of his weight on the side of my bed as our kiss intensifies, as my hands dig into his scalp. I never want him to leave.
His kiss is demanding, controlled, filled with so much unrequited desire that I find myself melting into his touch, into the way he takes control. I’ve shared enough first kisses to know this is a once-in-a-lifetime kiss, the kind that marks you as a human, that brands your very soul, creating a memory so vivid that it will last more than a lifetime.
His lips move over mine, dragging out my tongue, creating such a bottomless sensation in my stomach. I’m careening, falling, tumbling into an unknown abyss, my only lifeline being his mouth and the way he makes me feel whole.
When he pulls away, I feel lost again. A part of me has detached and my body is drowning, looking for that life preserver that can only be translated as his touch.
“Stay with me,” I whisper, not wanting him to go anywhere.
“No,” he answers. “If I stay, I will fuck you.”
“Then fuck me.”
“No,” he answers again. “This has gone too far tonight.”
“But, Keller—”
“Lilly,” he says in such a startling, deep, commanding tone that I close my lips and seal them shut. “I said, it’s gone too far. Now rest your beautiful head, get some sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning. Understood?”
God, yes.
I nod, and then to my delight, he lowers back down and gives me another toe-curling kiss before taking off into his room.
Chapter Fourteen
KELLER
“What do you do if someone asks for your political opinion?” I ask Lilly as we finish up our jog, Harrogate just in front of us.
“I don’t give it. I have no political opinion at all. I’m a vessel of emptiness, only there to smile and wave. Kind of like I’m a vessel of emptiness right now.”
She’s been sassy this entire fucking run.
Ever since she tried to kiss me this morning and I didn’t let her, she’s been on a warpath.
I don’t blame her, though. I feel the same fucking way.
Itchy all over.
Needy.
Like if I don’t have her near me, I won’t be able to breathe.
It happened so fast last night. She was on top of me, her nipple slipped into my mouth, and something unlocked within me, an unstoppable tidal wave of desire.
And I lost it. I took as much as I could from her, rubbing my cock along her slick, wet clit. Fuck, it felt good—and that piercing, I can still feel it riding up and down my length. A cool metal, creating friction that has me addicted.
How I was able to kiss her good night and sleep in my own bed is beyond me.
And this morning, when she was wearing nothing but a shirt, knowing I’d had my lips on her only the night before, it took everything in me not to drag her to my bed.