“He died in his sleep when we were babies.”
“That really sucks.”
“Yeah.” She toed the ground with her Chuck, frowning. “Ever wondered why we do that?”
“Die? Not sure it’s intentional.”
“No. Bury the dead?”
“I don’t really think about stuff like that.” My voice hardened.
“At first I thought it’s like planting seeds, so that maybe hope could bloom.”
“And now?” I wiped sweat from my brow. She sounded smart. Most kids my age had the intelligence of a houseplant.
“Now I think we bury them because we don’t want to share the world with them. It hurts too much.”
I continued frowning, contemplating what to say.
I was getting pretty thirsty, but I didn’t want to move. It felt like a test. Or a competition, maybe. This was my territory. My cemetery for the summer. I didn’t want her to think she could walk in here and steal my spot, dead brother or not. But there was also something else. I didn’t know what. Maybe it didn’t feel so bad after all, not to be alone.
“Well? Are you just gonna stand there and stare at me? Do what you came here to do.” I sucked on the cigarette butt, trying to relight it unsuccessfully with a lighter Mr. Van had dropped in the communal hallway the other day.
“Yeah. Fine. Just don’t interrupt, you . . . you freak.” She flung her arm impatiently toward me.
I rolled my eyes. She was weird. Her brother was a baby when she’d lost him, right? It’s not like they were close or whatever. Still. What did I know about siblings? One thing, really: that I wasn’t going to have any. Because, as my mother pointed out every time a toddler threw a tantrum at the Dollar Tree or Kmart, Children are ungrateful and costly. An expensive liability.
Gee. Thanks, Mom.
The girl turned her back to me, toward the grave. She caressed the tombstone, which I now noticed was smaller than the rest. Actually, all the graves on that row were small. A chill rolled down my back.
“Hey, Ar. It’s me, the other Ar. I just wanted to check in on you. We miss you every day. Mom has been having some pretty bad days again. She’s ignoring Dad and me hard core. The other day I spoke to her, and she looked right through me, like I was a ghost. She’s doing that on purpose. Punishing me. I thought maybe you could visit her a little less in the next few weeks? I know she sees you all the time. In your room, the couch where we used to nap, the window . . .”
She talked for about five minutes. I tried not to listen, but it was like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. She was right freaking there. I thought she was going to cry, but in the end, she held herself together. Finally, the girl picked a small rock from the ground and pressed it against the marbled grave before standing up.
She was moving back toward the gate, walking away.
“What’d you do that for?” I blurted out.
She turned to look at me in surprise, like she’d forgotten I was there. “Do what?”
“That stone thing.”
“In Jewish tradition, you place a small stone on the grave to show the person that someone came to visit. That they are not forgotten.”
“You Jewish?”
“My au pair was.”
“So you’re a rich kid, then.”
“Because I had an au pair?” She looked at me like I was an idiot.
“Because you know what the word means in the first place.”
“So do you.” She folded her arms across her chest, refusing to let me win an argument, no matter how small and insignificant. “You don’t look rich to me, though.”
“I’m not an example for anything.” I collected dirt, enjoying the texture of the grains against my finger pads. I consumed the world in larger quantities than the average kid. Read, listened to, and watched things every second of the day. I treated life with the same practicality I did my wristwatch. I wanted to turn it over, unscrew the pins, and see how it worked, what made it tick. I’d already promised myself I wasn’t going to be like Mom. I wasn’t going to be eaten by the rich. I was going to eat them, if need be.
“Guess I’m rich, then.” She picked up another small stone, rubbing her thumb over its smooth surface. “You’re not?”
“Would I sleep in the cemetery if I was rich?”
“I don’t know.” She ran a hand through her uncombed hair. It was full of dead leaves and debris and knots. “I guess I don’t think everything is about money.”