There was Mom, but she and I seemed like we were thrown together accidentally. There were the neighbors Mom never bothered getting to know, the sex workers who propositioned me for my school lunch, and the NYPD, who came rolling twice a week onto my block, sliding yellow tape across shattered front windows. Happiness was something that belonged to other people. People we didn’t know, who lived on different streets and led different lives.
I’d always felt like a guest in the world—a voyeur. But if I was going to watch someone else’s life, might as well watch the Roths, who led perfect, picturesque lives.
And so, to escape from the hellhole I had been born into, all I had to do was follow the instructions.
Do. Not. Touch. Anything.
In the end, I didn’t just touch something.
I touched the most precious thing in the Roth household.
The girl.
CHAPTER ONE
ARYA
Present
He was going to come.
I knew it, even if he was late. Which he never was, until today.
We had a date every first Saturday of each month.
He’d show up armed with a shrewd grin, two biryani bowls, and the latest outrageous office gossip, which was better than any reality TV out there.
I stretched under a cloister overlooking a gothic garden, wiggling my toes in my Prada pumps, my soles kissing a medieval column.
No matter how old I was or how well I mastered the art of being a ruthless businesswoman, during our monthly visits to the Cloisters, I always felt like a fifteen-year-old, pimply and impressionable and thankful for the crumbs of intimacy and affection thrown my way.
“Move over, sweetheart. The takeout’s dripping.”
See? He came.
I tucked my legs under my butt, allowing Dad space to settle. He produced two oily containers out of a plastic bag and handed me one.
“You look horrible,” I observed, cracking open my container. The scent of nutmeg and saffron crawled into my nose, making my mouth water. My father was flushed and shadow eyed, his face stamped with a grimace.
“Well, you look fantastic, as per usual.” He kissed my cheek, settling against the column in front of me so we were face to face.
I nudged the food with my plastic fork. Soft pieces of chicken fell apart over a pillow of rice. I scooped a bite into my mouth, closing my eyes. “I could eat this three times a day, every day.”
“I could believe that, seeing as you spent fourth grade living solely on mac-’n’-cheese balls.” He chuckled. “How’s world domination going?”
“Slowly but surely.” I opened my eyes. He poked his food around. First, he’d been late, and now, I noticed he looked barely recognizable. It wasn’t his form or his slightly wrinkly attire or the lack of fresh haircut that gave it away. It was his expression, which I hadn’t seen before in the almost thirty-two years I’d known him.
“How are you, anyway?” I sucked on the tines of my fork.
His phone, which was tucked into the front pocket of his slacks, buzzed. The green flash shone through the fabric. He ignored it. “Good. Busy. We’re being audited, so the office is upside down. Everyone’s running around like a headless chicken.”
“Not again.” I reached into his bowl, fishing for a golden potato hiding under a mountain of rice and slipping it between my lips. “But that explains things.”
“Explains what?” He looked alert.
“I thought you looked a little off.”
“It’s a pain in the neck, but I’ve danced this dance before. How’s business?”
“Actually, I’d like your opinion about a client.” I’d begun launching into a topic when his phone vibrated in his pocket again. I squinted at the fountain in the center of the garden, wordlessly indicating that it was okay for him to take the call.
Dad pulled a paper napkin from the takeout bag instead, patting it along his forehead. Cloud-shaped paper stuck to his sweat. The temperature was below thirty-five degrees. What business did this man have sweating buckets?
“And how’s Jillian?” He raised his voice an octave. A sense of calamity, like a faint, barely visible crack in a wall, crawled over my skin. “I thought you said her grandma had hip surgery last week. I asked my secretary to send her flowers.”
Of course he had. Dad was a constant I could trust. While my mom was a day-late-and-dollar-short kind of parent—always the last to figure out what I was going through, oblivious to my feelings, MIA during pivotal moments in my life—Dad remembered the birthdays, the graduation dates, and what I’d worn for my friends’ bat mitzvahs. He’d been there during the breakups, the girl drama, and the incorporation of my company, going over the fine print with me. He was a mother, a father, a sibling, and a comrade. An anchor in the troubled sea of life.