‘The photograph of a group of women stuck on the whiteboard in Sugar’s private room.’ I cut in. I’m hacked off, tired of the people around me spinning make-believe stories. ‘Sugar has circled four women in it. Four black women: Hope, Amina, Sheryl. And Veronica. You.’
Veronica’s picture flashes in my mind. The hand in front of the camera blocking her face. No wonder I couldn’t match up young Veronica with this much older Ronnie.
‘How are you connected to the other women?’ I persist.
She steps closer.
I dig deeper, nerve endings tingling with a fire that’s sparking all over my body. ‘Were you connected to the Suzi Lake Centre in 1994?’
‘The what?’ Sarcasm joins her annoyance.
‘Is that where the photo was taken? In an office there?’
Ronnie’s lips flatten; she’s not speaking, but I am. ‘If you’re not my mother, which one of the other women is? Which one of them owned the Good Knight that was on the desk?’
She studies me like I’m from another universe. ‘The good what? A knight?’ She kisses her teeth. ‘Next you’ll be asking me if I’m the fair maiden.’
Disappointment wraps tight around me; I can see that she knows nothing about my precious figurine.
I don’t let my disappointment deter me. ‘I don’t buy that it’s a coincidence that you just now happen to work for Sugar as his housekeeper. Your being here has got something to do with him investigating four missing black women twenty-eight years ago. And, yes it was four.’
I go for the jugular. ‘But somehow you managed to get away. From what? From who? Tell me what happened.’
I catch the fine lines of Ronnie’s profile, her flickering gaze staring over my head. Her fist does a strange rubbing dance against her thigh. She’s wound tighter than a hangman’s noose. She’s upset.
I reel back. Soften my approach. ‘Whatever’s going on here and in the past has really hurt you.’
‘Hurt?’ Ronnie chucks the word at me like she wishes it would explode in my face. Her eyes are blazing. I take a half-step back, draw in a sharp breath of air at her expression, the smouldering rage of a rekindled fire. I’ve stirred up stuff she wants to forget.
‘You haven’t got a clue what hurt is,’ she slams at me. ‘Sugar, thank the Lord, has kept you protected. Out there’ – her finger jabs towards the window – ‘do you know how many traps are waiting for a young woman like you? Too many for you to count.’ Suddenly she’s striding around me, like I’m caught in the lasso of her words. ‘And most of them will be waiting in the places that you think are the safest. Where you drop your guard. Where you think there’s a helping hand. Where you close your eyes at night.’
I’m rattled, giddy with the distress and disorientation of her circling me like she’ll pounce at any moment, coming in for the kill. I’m freaked out. I’d never thought I’d think this; I have to get out of Mummy Cherry’s house.
But I make one last stand. ‘You’re Veronica. You’re brave and do you know how I know? You escaped. You’re the one that got away.’ My voice is suddenly full of choking pain. ‘I don’t think my mother did. Hope, Amina and Sheryl didn’t. Help me find out what happened to them. Help me find out which one is my mother.’
I step out of her circle, striding towards her door. I turn the key, pull open the door. I take a final look at Ronnie. What I see is terrifying. She’s standing in the ghost-light of her room with the knife in her hand, the tip of the blade grazing the flesh of her other hand.
‘Do you know how long I’ve had this knife?’ she asks.
I don’t attempt an answer.
‘Since 1994.’
CHAPTER 20
No Name
I’m living in total terror. I’ve messed up, big time. I’m not so large ’n’ in charge any more. I know what I’ve got to do today but I’m scared out of my brains ’bout what might happen. That’s why I’m wearing my lucky fedora, the mustard-yellow one I had on when I went for my interview up at university. I tell you what, I need all the luck in the world. Just thinking ’bout what I’ve got to do makes me want to chuck my guts up.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
All I wanted was to have a bit of fun to perk me up, y’know, help me forget they never found her.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
I knew something had changed, but instead of finding out what was going on what did I do? Shoved my ignorant head in the sand and carried on like everything’s booty-shaking all right.