“He really went off the rails and it was a bad time for our family.” Tears fill her eyes. “All that shit happened with me around the same time.”
“You think whatever was going on with him was connected to you?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe. Cillian was his friend, and he shit all over me. I think Dillon felt responsible, which is ridiculous because the only person at fault was Cillian. I can’t even blame that bitch because she was single.”
“I’d still blame her. She knew he was with you, and she targeted him. She’s not blameless.” Like Saffron Roberts isn’t blameless. She knew Reeve was in a committed relationship with me, and she still went after him.
“It doesn’t matter anymore except for what it did to Dillon. It’s like he woke up one morning the spawn of Damien from The Omen. He started acting out in a serious way, and he didn’t care to hide it. He almost got expelled from school. He was constantly drunk or stoned. He lashed out at everyone. It culminated in him drastically changing his appearance.” A grin breaks through her concerned veneer. “When he came home with the piercings, I thought my parents were going to die on the spot. But then he got all the tattoos.” She chuckles. “Mum hates them, but she eventually got over it. She just wants to see him happy. I do too, but he’s not. The only time he lets go of his demons is when he’s on stage. That’s the only time I truly see him happy.”
“You probably hate me for making him leave last night.”
“No. Not at all.” She shakes her head. “He deserved it, but I’m going to talk to him because I can’t have two of my favorite people not getting along. I can’t cut him out of my life, Viv.” Her eyes turn pleading. “He’s always been there for me, and I need to be here for him now.”
“I would never ask you to cut your brother from your life. It’s fine. I can make myself scarce if you want to have him over.”
“I’m not asking you to do that. This is your home, and I’m just a blow-in. I will fix things. I promise. I’ll make him toe the line.”
Good luck with that plan. Dillon clearly marches to his own tune, and I doubt anything Ash says will change his mind.
34
“Just one thing before we leave,” I say, applying a layer of gloss to my lips. “Don’t forget to call me Grace.” In the two weeks since I told Ash who I am, she’s been calling me Viv at home, and I’m scared she’s going to slip up and out me to our friends and the band.
“Can I be honest?” she asks, as she finishes applying eyeliner. She looks at me through the mirror.
“No, please lie to me,” I joke, fluffing out the soft curls in my hair.
“I think you should just tell everyone who you are. They will understand why you wanted to keep your identity a secret, and they won’t hold it against you.”
“I don’t want anyone to know, Ash.” I lean back against the tile, sighing. “I don’t want to see pitying looks in their eyes or give the guys any more ammunition to make fun of me.”
“They’ve really made a bad impression, haven’t they?” she murmurs, rubbing some product into her short hair.
“Conor and Ronan haven’t.”
“Jamie made his peace with you the morning after he stayed over, and Dillon has promised he’ll be on his best behavior tonight.”
I’ll believe it when I see it. “I don’t want them to know,” I repeat, because this is important to me. I’m still not sure if Dillon saw the photos by my bed, but I guess I’ll find out tonight. If he knows who I am, he will need little encouragement to reveal my secrets and embarrass the shit out of me.
“Celebrities aren’t a big deal in Ireland, and not many people are up to speed on Hollywood gossip. I honestly don’t think anyone will know who you are, and you can trust my friends not to tell anyone. Wouldn’t you rather just be yourself?”
“I know you mean well, Ash, but you have no clue the shit I had to put up with in L.A. I’m loving it here because no one knows any of that. I’m not ready to face it, and I’m not ready to talk about it. If I tell everyone to call me Viv, I’ll have to explain, and I can’t.” The words project from my mouth like vomit.
“I’m sorry.” She grabs my arm. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’re right. I have no idea how bad things were for you before you came here. I just hate that you don’t feel like you can be yourself with us.”