Until you came along.
He fell in love with you, Arianna, maybe even the day he met you.
You were hurting and he yearned to be the reason you healed. And he was.
Sweet, Arianna, my Noah became your Noah, and honey, he was your everything, just as you are his.
You fell for him right back and you never got up.
* * *
Love, Lori, the mother forever in debt to the woman who loves her son.
* * *
Tears fall from my eyes as I read the last line, and then I move to the text beneath it, written in a different language.
Non temere la caduta, ma la vita che nasce dal non aver mai saltato affatto.
My fingers are drawn to the script, and I slowly glide the pads of my fingertips across it.
A flash flicks before my eyes, and I freeze.
Holding my breath, I do it again.
Another flash.
Again.
And then the page morphs.
Suddenly, my fingers aren’t tracing the words on college-ruled paper, but on a tan, smooth chest of a man. A man who lies in the center of my bed.
My hand tingles as his comes down to cover mine, and a shaky breath escapes as he glides my touch along the warmth of his body, and I follow the path to his lips.
He kisses my knuckles then, his body lifting off the pillows until his breath brushes along my skin. He leans in and my eyes close, a flash of blue revealing itself on the other side.
But not just any blue.
It’s deep and depthless.
Bold and brilliant, like the center of the ocean, or a mountain’s night sky.
They’re tender and limitless and locked on mine.
“Juliet…”
I gasp, choking on nothing. The paper falls from my hands, and I stumble from my bed, hitting and sliding down the wall.
I can’t see before me, but I see.
I see him.
I see the night of the bonfire, and the night at the club.
I see the morning coffee and the daytime cooking.
I see the bumper boats and his mouth an inch from mine.
I feel his hands on me as I sit on top of the kitchen counter and the heat of his eyes.
The warmth of his body.
The beat of his heart… pressed against mine.
I feel him. All over.
Everywhere.
A rush of yearning hits me, forcing the air from my lungs and my body racks with sobs. “Oh my god… Noah.”
Chapter 52
Arianna
* * *
If I could go back in time, I would do so many things differently.
It’s sad how it takes a solid blow to learn a hard lesson.
How loss shakes your core in a way love can’t.
Love aches, but love is a blessing, something you’d be lucky to experience.
Loss hurts, but loss is necessary, something you have to experience.
Loss makes people realize what they want. It lights a fire on a blind path and guides you through the flame, burning the uncertainties standing in your way as you go. It drives you to discover what you want because life is short. Too short.
And unpredictable.
Loss forces you to recognize who you can’t live without, who you refuse to lose. Loss makes you reckless, because loss? It sets you free.
At least, this is what it’s done to me.
It’s strange how a person trapped in their own mind walks without fear.
Fear is the one thing I’m not sure I’ve felt this entire time.
I’ve been nervous and anxious and unsure, on edge, but never afraid.
But right now, I am.
I’m fucking terrified.
Because I’m about to break someone.
People say to love someone with all you are is the most selfless thing you can do, but I find the opposite to be true.
Love has made me selfish because I can’t live without the man my heart belongs to. The man it truly belongs to.
I did a lot of thinking during the night. Reflecting on the last four years of my life, and when I woke this morning, it’s as if my eyes were clear for the first time.
That means I have to break the heart of a man whose only fault is my need for someone else.
It’s going to be hard.
Maybe even devastating.
But as I said…
Love made me selfish.
Loss made me see.
And longing I can’t live with.
Which is why I’m already out the door.
It’s time he knows where he stands.
That this is real.
And we’re forever.
I take the steps two at a time, and as I reach the front door, the man I came to see appears.
His eyes find mine instantly, and a soft smile appears.
Mine follows.
“I called.”
“I know.”
Chase holds out his hand, and I take it.
Chapter 53
Arianna
* * *