Seeming unsure, Cameron turns to me.
Tonight’s the first night I’ve ventured out, so I know she’s uneasy about me not coming back with her, but one look, and she knows I need to stay.
She nods, moving to her feet. “For the record, if Mason blows up my phone looking for you, I’m totally ratting you out.”
I laugh, nodding. “Fair enough, but I’m betting he’s pretty wasted by now.”
“As if there’s a level of drunk Mason Johnson could reach that would erase his need to know of where his precious twin is and what she’s doing.”
“Considering he has no idea I’m out with you right now, I’d say we’re good.”
“If you say so, still throwing you under the bus if it comes to that!” She blows me a kiss, then off they go.
Laughing, I watch them disappear, before facing forward again to find that Noah, while still leaning forward, has scooted to the center of his side of the booth and is watching me intently.
I let him, not shifting, or shying away from his thoughtful gaze.
Finally, he sighs and sits back, a sad smile tipping his lips.
“You slept with him.” His tone is low, gentle, and sure.
My mouth opens, denial on the tip of my tongue, but the words never come, the truth somehow marked in his gaze. It’s as if I even tried to lie, he’d know it.
So I don’t.
I nod.
Something indecipherable passes over him, and his slow nod follows my own, as does his recognition. “He hurt you.”
I dip my chin, pull in and release a deep breath, then look up. Something in Noah’s candid expression has me spilling all the things I’ve held onto for the last few months, things I didn’t want to tell Cameron because I didn’t want her to inadvertently take sides. It was hard enough for her to witness the change the summer had on me.
So when Noah asks me to start from the beginning, and I sense his sincere desire to understand, that’s exactly what I do.
I tell him about us as kids, and our interactions. I replay how, at my and Mason’s fifteenth birthday party, Chase beat up the guy who gave me my first kiss, saying he was an asshole who didn’t deserve it and then wouldn’t talk to me for two weeks. I share how on the night of our junior prom, Chase got drunk and pulled me into his arms on the dance floor, singing along to David Cook’s rendition of “Always Be My Baby” …all to pass me off when Mason came back.
I tell him how over the years, my feelings grew stronger than I meant for them to, and I sat back like the naive girl I clearly was, waiting for Chase to realize while explaining Mason’s take on everything. I don’t leave out any details from our time at the beach house, apart from our sexual experience, not Mason’s reaction nor Chase’s response.
I lay it all out, and not once am I hit with a feeling of judgment or pity by the man in front of me. It’s a strange sense of comfort.
“I mean the night before was heavy, we were mentally messed-up and exhausted, so I guess I should have known better, but I wasn’t thinking about what would happen later. Even if I had, it wouldn’t have changed anything at that moment.” No way would I have backed out. Not with the way Chase looked at me that night; he actually saw me, and even though it didn’t last past that, I’ll always have that one desperate look from him, his visible need for me. I’ll never forget the desire in his eyes that night.
“Looking back, I didn’t really handle the situation well.” My nose scrunches in thought. “Or at all, really. I was unfair, I’ve been unfair. I just… left and now…” I blow out a heavy breath. “Now I guess you could say I hide.” I peek at Noah.
As my downcast eyes lock with his, his bounce along my face, concern pulling at his own as mine gloss over.
“I never thought getting something you always wanted could be more painful than wanting but never having it. There really is no in-between.”
I’m not sure if it’s in my expression or laced in my tone, but Noah detects my self-reproach, and refuses to allow it.
“Juliet…” He speaks with a tender firmness, waiting for me to look up once more, and when I do, a single word slips past his lips, his expression leaving no room for argument. “No.”
At his pained, sorrow-filled whisper, the dam breaks.
“Ugh.” I look up at the ceiling, willing the tears away.
Noah curses, shifting from his seat, but I only look to him when he takes my hand and pulls me to my feet, gently wiping tears from my cheeks with the pad of his thumb, and leads me toward the door.