I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean forward to try and see beyond the darkness.
“This looks like a good place to bury a body.”
“I don’t know about burying, but definitely to lose one at sea.”
My head jerks toward his and he laughs, pushing open his door.
He grabs the hoodie he carried out of the house and waits for me to slide out his way.
Taking the half gone Icee from my hand, he sets it on the hood, tugging the sweatshirt over my head.
I laugh, slipping my arms through, the cuffs hanging well over my hands. It’s soft, fresh cotton on the inside and smells like Noah.
“Thank you.”
He smirks, handing me my drink. “Welcome.”
“You planned this, didn’t you?”
“I figured you’d be up for a little road trip.”
I pull my lips to one side.
“Come on.” He nods.
We walk side by side up a small hillside that leads to a wide trail, and beyond it, nothing but ocean.
My smile is instant.
“Holy shit,” I whisper, stepping ahead of him toward the extended peak of cliffside in the center.
The moon bounces off the sea the way I love, but it’s even better as we’re up higher than I’ve ever been before, so it shines like ice below us. I laugh, glancing back at Noah as he slowly steps up beside me.
“You like it?”
Nodding, I face forward again. “It’s amazing.”
“Come here.” Noah takes my hand, leading me left a few feet, where there’s a slight dip in the rock, allowing us to sit and dangle our feet, another flat stone a few feet below to catch our fall, should we scoot too far over the edge.
I can’t help but laugh again, nudging him in the shoulder. “This is crazy.”
“It’s called Sunset Cliffs.”
“Man, we have to come back to watch the sun go down. I love the moon over the water, but the sunset is definitely a sight I have to see from right here.”
I look to him.
“You want to come back, I’ll bring you back,” he tells me.
“Say you swear.”
Laughing, he faces forward. “I swear.”
“When I was little, my parents would drive us to the coastline every Sunday for a picnic dinner. My dad would set up a little tent, you know the kind that’s all netting?” I smile. “My mom would put up a table and lay out the food, while me and Mase set up chairs and piled them high with blankets. We’d eat, play board games and then when the sun would start to set, our parents would tell us stories about when they were young, or when we were babies. It was always something new, something we hadn’t heard yet.” I loved those nights.
“Your family means a lot to you.”
“My family means everything to me. I want to be everything my mom is. Strong and independent in my own way, a solid example, but human in my mistakes. I want to be proud and encouraging, accepting but firm, even when it hurts. Even when it’s hard. I want to make chicken and dumplings when my daughter feels like her world’s falling apart like teens think and I want to bake cupcakes with stupid sweet frosting when my son’s too hard on himself for a bad grade or dropped pass.” I laugh, lowering my head. “Clearly I have some work to do to get there, but… ”
I look to Noah.
He runs his hand over his forearm, a look of reverence adorned along his face. “You want to be a mom.”
My lips spread wide. “Of course I do.”
He shakes his head, and a slight frown builds along my brow.
“No,” he begins. “That’s it. That’s why you didn’t care where you went to school. That’s why you had no opinion when it came to choosing and that’s what you didn’t tell me when I guessed there was more to it.”
My throat grows thick, but I nod.
“You said it was embarrassing,” he reminds me. “It’s not.”
“Telling you is.”
He almost looks offended, and an anxious laugh escapes me.
“Noah, you’ve worked your entire life toward a goal, and you’re on your way to achieving it. You’re about to have the world at your fingertips, and it’s a tribute to what you’ve dedicated your life to. Here I am, dreaming of being a housewife, and I haven’t even figured out how not to burn a loaf of French bread yet.”
I go to laugh it off, but Noah frowns, shaking his head.
“Don’t sell yourself short. What you want is to give yourself over to the happiness of others. That’s selfless.”