I swallow around the unexpected emotion her words cause, my mind flashing to the moment I found out my father had died.
She brings the joint to her lips, rolling her head back to the sky, her throat bobbing as she inhales. Her silhouette is gorgeous in the moonlight, and before I can stop myself, I’m reaching out to brush a curl from her face, unable to temper the urge. “You’d make a stunning portrait.”
Her nose scrunches, but she doesn’t turn my way. “What?”
“I’d like to draw you,” I rephrase, moving in closer, my fingers dancing across her skin. “Just like this, with your face kissing the stars… I think it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Her body stiffens, and my heart feels as though it’s going to explode out of my chest. I’m not sure what loosens my tongue, and I don’t know if I even mean the things I say. All I know is that in this moment, it feels like I might die if I don’t say them.
“Are you calling me beautiful?” she whispers, her eyes wide as she looks my way.
My tongue swipes across my lips, and I lean in, my mouth brushing the edge of her ear. “I’m saying you could drive a man insane. Make him raze the world just to see you smile.”
Her body shivers, and my cock leaks, every bone in my body screaming for me to grab her and pull her flush against me. To claim her beneath the constellations she outshines.
But then I think of how in a few nights’ time, it’s my brother’s arm she’ll be latching on to.
It’s him that will take her to his bed.
And it’s him that will have her ruling at his side.
Which means I must kill her, just like all the others.
So I pull back, dusting my fingers down her hair, and I stand up and walk away, wondering what the hollow ache is in my chest, and why it’s choosing now to appear.
CHAPTER 23
Sara B.
It’s been almost a month since I’ve seen or heard from anyone in Silva, and while I expected it, that doesn’t stop the longing from weaving through my chest, wrapping around memories of familiar faces.
And familiar lands.
I’ve always been a wanderer. But it’s different from exploring unfamiliar terrain; not knowing what will happen when you turn a corner. I could traipse through every square mile of Silva with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. Here, though, I still haven’t been able to grasp onto anything concrete; the map in my head is blank with a few dots of knowledge sprinkled throughout. It’s an incomplete picture, and every time I try to fill in the pages, something gets in my way.
Or rather, someone.
My stomach flips when I admit to myself that perhaps that’s why I spend my nights sneaking out instead of doing what I should. Or maybe it’s the last vestiges of me hanging on to my freedom, knowing that soon I’ll be stripped of even that. I’m not naive enough to think that after everything is said and done, I’ll be the same girl I am now.
Death inevitably changes you.
Tomorrow evening, I’ll parade around on the king’s arm, like a jewel he’s captured and wishes to keep in his treasure chest.
“Tomorrow is important, cousin,” Xander says as we walk through the front courtyard.
Nodding, I swallow around the heaviness lining my stomach.
“You’ve been antsy,” he continues. “I know. Like a sitting duck.”
I quirk a brow as I glance at him. “Is it that obvious?”
“Other than you having told me?” He chuckles. “There will be reporters there.”
“I’m not inept, Alexander. I can handle a few questions.”
He stops walking, the gravel of loose stones crunching beneath his feet as he turns to face me. “After tomorrow, Sara, everything will change.”
I know that he’s right. The engagement ball is the first of many important moments that will plot out my future. I feel its truth deep down inside of me, but for the first time, there’s something else there, too. It’s heavy, and it throbs in the center of my chest, making it feel like I’m on a slow march toward death. Closing my eyes, I push down the selfish thoughts, locking them away in a corner of my heart, hoping they’ll stay lost forever.
I walk again, and Xander follows, scrambling to catch up. “In other news, I have a gift for you.”
“Do you?” I grin at him. “And what need do I have for a gift?”
He smiles back, pushing the glass frames up his nose. “I think you’ll enjoy this one.”
“Do I get to know what it is?”