“Vanni was furious with me. Paul was sympathetic but pissed. Well,” he amended, “they’re getting over that now. But the girl won’t talk to me. Won’t return calls. I can’t figure out what I did. I was as good to her as I knew how to be.”
“Whew, that bites,” Jack said. “But, buddy, that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there, just waiting for you to find her. I was forty, man. I thought I was way past having this life. Mel—she makes me feel like a teenager.”
“Yeah, maybe it’ll happen. But not while I’m like this. I’m stung. I have to get over this before I can dip into the market again. You know?”
“Hang in there, pal. It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah,” he said. He threw back the rest of his shot and stood. “You should get home to the family. I’m going to borrow your porch for a cigar, since you have the sand can out there, then to the cabin to get some sleep.”
“Sure. I’ll lock you out and take off from the back. There’s coffee in the fridge, but that’s it. Want a beer or bottle to take to the cabin?”
“Nah, I’m good. I’m good and tired,” he said. “And I’m planning to get out of here early.”
“You bet. And, brother? Don’t lick this wound too long, huh?”
He shook Jack’s hand. “I’ll be fine.”
Joe stepped out onto Jack’s porch and looked up at the sky. He heard the door lock behind him; the Open sign clicked off. The stars were fewer, dimmer, and he hoped it wasn’t smoke in the sky. He pulled out his cigar from his shirt pocket, clipped the end and struck a match on his shoe. It flared.
And illuminated her.
She was wearing tight jeans and high-heeled sandals, a little blue knit shirt, a gold necklace. She leaned against the porch post in the corner, legs crossed, arms crossed, that shiny black hair resting on her shoulders. He took a step toward her, bewildered, and the match burned down to singe his fingers.
“Ah!” he said, shaking it out. He put his boot over it, crushing it for sure. Then he lit another match and took another step toward her.
There wasn’t much light besides the match, but he could clearly see the tracks of tears down her cheeks, her large dark eyes shining in the glow of the match. He shook it out. He put the cigar back in his pocket. “This is about where we started,” he said, not getting too close.
“I know. Do you hate me?”
“Of course not,” he said, but he kept a safe distance.
“I was embarrassed,” she said. “And scared.”
“Embarrassed?” he repeated. “Scared?”
She gave a deep sigh. “I couldn’t imagine what you thought of me. I jumped into bed with you so fast…”
“You could have asked me. I jumped into bed with you pretty fast, too.”
“Men can get away with that.”
“I didn’t,” he said. “My punishment was pretty brutal.”
“Yeah,” she said softly. “I guess it was. I’m sorry about that.”
“Okay,” he said. “Scared?”
“Oh, Joe… I was so damn scared. I thought about morning coming and you giving me a whack on the butt and saying, ‘Thanks, baby.’”
“What did I say or do to make you think it could be like that?” he asked her.
“It wasn’t you, Joe. It was me. I guess I just wasn’t ready to move on yet.”
“Did panic come with the morning?” he asked.
“Yeah. It was a nice night. A night like I’d like to have again, and I thought about what it would feel like to look forward to it and be—” She lifted her chin and sniffed. “Not in the cards.”
He laughed without humor. “So you ended it to keep me from ending it? Jesus, Nikki, all I wanted to do was make you feel like you were headed for something good. What the hell happened between us to make you think that way?”
“It was just my past,” she said, shaking her head. “You were wonderful to me.”
“And so—you never want to hear from me again?” he asked, totally stumped. “You didn’t want to even see if there was something more there? Scared of that, too?”
“I was afraid to go any further. We don’t even know each other! I want something permanent, I want a family.”
“Weren’t you listening? I don’t have any idea if that’s going to happen with us, you and me—we’re too new. But wasn’t I clear? I’m not avoiding that.”