Stroller, diaper bag, car seat, swing, Port-a-Crib, etcetera. He’d spent years watching his brothers tromp into their parents’ house, hauling all the baby stuff. The stairs to her apartment were steep. She should live in a house, he thought. In a safe neighborhood. He thought he felt a migraine coming on. The first one of his life.
“I don’t have any savings,” she said. “I make a decent living, not a great one. My office has paid leave for six weeks and optional time off without pay up to six months. I already feel like six weeks isn’t enough. Not for a new baby. And then—what about child care? I haven’t even felt this baby move—and I’m already worried about leaving him with some stranger. Or her. Him or her.”
Paul smiled kindly. “Try not to worry about things like that yet, Terri. You’re not going to have to make those decisions alone. Don’t let it keep you up nights. I’ll be pitching in.”
“Pitching in? How?”
“Well, financially and, hopefully, with child care.”
“Helping me pay for childcare? Is that it?”
“And with actual child care,” he said, smiling.
“You thinking of sticking your mother with a baby?”
“I’m pretty good with babies,” he said. “I was thinking of having my time with him. Or her.”
“Oh,” she said. “Thanks. That’s nice of you.”
Nice of me, he thought shamefully. She was talking like she expected to go it alone if he wouldn’t marry her, and that almost made his cheeks flame. He had at least as much responsibility here as she did. She might’ve been lazy about those pills, but he’d used a condom he’d been carrying around for months, rubbing it thinner every time he slid into a chair. “I told you—you’re not in this all alone. Can you think of anything I can do to help right now?”
“To tell the truth, just having you show a little interest helps a lot. Moral support, you know.” And then for the first time since they sat down, she smiled.
“Ah,” he said. “There it is. I know you don’t think you have that much to smile about right now, especially where I’m concerned. I’ll do whatever I can. It’ll help if you tell me what you need.”
“Right now? I want my baby to have a father. A good father. I just need someone to care.”
“I care about what’s happening with you and the baby. I’m kind of clumsy with words, Terri. I might’ve been a little too shocked to give you the kind of comfort you needed when I first found out, I’m sorry about that. Here’s how I feel—I think it would be a mistake for us to try to make a marriage out of a very nice friendship, but if I’m having a child, I’m committed to the child. For life. I’ll do my part because I want to. You can rest easy about that.”
“How will your parents feel about that?” she asked.
“They’ll feel the same way,” he said. “Terri—I’m thirty-six. I’m past asking my parents for approval. What we’re going to have to do here is find a way to work together.” He swallowed. “We have to put the needs of the child first.”
She sighed. “God,” she said, tears sparkling in her eyes. “I never expected you to act like this. I thought you’d take off or deny it. But you’re a good man, Paul. A real good man…”
If I was worth a damn, you wouldn’t be unmarried and pregnant, he thought. “I’m sure I’ll fall short a lot, but I’m going to do my best.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
When their lunch was over, he walked her to her car and she hugged him. “Just having you nearby—that’s very reassuring,” she said. “I thought I’d never hear from you again. Sometimes this feels so lonely.” Then she looked up at him and said, “Although I might not have a husband—I feel like I have a partner. Thank you, Paul.”
“Um… Yeah. We’ll work together on this, make sure everything is covered…”
Her arms still around his waist, looking up at him with those large, sad eyes, she said, “Maybe I could make you dinner this weekend…”
He was shaking his head before she even finished. “We have to keep this in perspective, Terri. We’re going to be parents together, I guess. But that relationship we had, such as it was? We’re not going to have that relationship anymore. We can’t. It’ll only complicate a situation that’s already complicated.”