“There were more?” she asked.
“Oh, yeah,” he admitted. “I lived with a woman once—but not for long. I don’t think we made it three months. That was my only attempt at that.” He shrugged. “I was twenty-nine and it seemed like I ought to at least make an effort to have a stable, monogamous relationship. It was awful.”
“Awful? What went wrong?”
“Um, first of all, it wasn’t stable. She turned out to be crazy.” Then he smiled.
“Really? I mean, really?”
“You just wouldn’t believe it. A total loose cannon. She threw things at me and everything. I almost went deaf from her screaming.”
“You moved in with her without knowing that?”
His cheeks took on a rosy stain. “I probably should’ve guessed, but I was in denial.” He laughed. “Because she was really…” He swallowed. “Because she was very sexy. I thought I could handle anything if I could just…” His voice dwindled away.
“What men will do,” Vanni said, shaking her head.
“Yeah. Guilty. Did you ever live with anyone?” he asked.
“Never. The closest I came was when I was going with my husband, I traveled from San Francisco to Camp Pendleton to spend every weekend with him while he was still stateside.”
“In college,” he said. “Who were you in love with in college?”
She laughed. “Bret McDoughal. Captain of the football team, president of the debate club. I really expected him to be a senator by now.”
“What is he doing?”
“He sells used cars in Virginia. He makes sleazy, late-night commercials and wears his hair in some kind of weird pompadour. In college, he looked like he was going to take over the world. I was nuts about him.”
“How’d he let you get away?”
“A lot of girls were nuts about him. He had a very short attention span.”
“What a dope,” Cameron said.
“Yeah? Well, I think I made a very slim escape there,” she said, laughing.
He reached out and covered her hand with his. “Can you tell me about Matt? Is that too hard for you to do?”
“It’s okay. I like to talk about him,” she said, and resisted the memory that made one of the things about her relationship with Paul so comfortable—they could share memories. “Matt was a wonderful man, a great friend. He was so funny, so full of energy. What snagged me immediately was his sense of humor—he made me laugh till I cried. And there were other things about him—like his commitment to the Marine Corps, his commitment to his buddies, his boys as he called them—that filled me with admiration. His commitment to me,” she added, somewhat quietly. “He was single-minded when it came to the things he cared about. And he was strong—not just physically. Emotionally strong, too. But you should’ve seen his arms and shoulders. He could do pull-ups and push-ups all day long.”
“Big, like all those Virgin River men,” Cameron said.
“Not really,” she said. “Broad shouldered but not even six feet. When I wore heels, we were the same height. Dark haired, like you. Blue eyes, like yours. Tender and sensitive and easy to talk to.” She got a little misty. “Sometimes I really miss him. I’m sorry.”
He leaned toward her, sneaking up on her, and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. “Never be sorry. It sounds like you had something special. You wouldn’t want to not have had that. Especially with the little guy.”
“You’re right, yes. I’m getting to the point where I can appreciate that—that I had him in my life, that I have his son. I’m grateful I had at least that much rather than never having known him.” She inhaled sharply and looked out at the ocean. “It’s nice of you—not avoiding that subject. Not pretending he wasn’t…isn’t a part of my life.”
“Vanessa, he’s going to be a part of your life forever.”
“Yeah. I don’t know if I take comfort in that or not.” She looked back at him and smiled. “But I’m grateful, understand. For Matt, the baby—everything but the end.”
“Let’s go back,” he said. “I’d like a shower before dinner and you could probably use a little time alone with your baby. Maybe a nap.”
She took a breath. “That might be in order. What time is dinner?”
“Drinks at six-thirty, dinner at seven.”
“Where?”
“We’re eating in. It’s going to be special.”