To Paul’s back, Tom said, “I guess this means you two have things worked out?”
Paul whispered in Vanni’s ear, “Get rid of him, will you? Please?”
“Go away, Tom,” she said a little breathlessly.
“About time, Paul. Really, I was beginning to think you were a little slow or something. I’m going to Brenda’s.”
“No curfew tonight,” Paul said, though his voice was muffled against Vanni’s neck. “Stay away all night if you want.”
There was the sound of laughter, then the closing of the front door, and Paul’s lips were on Vanni’s again.
“Vanni, honey,” Paul whispered. “Will you pack a bag for yourself and Mattie and come away with me in the morning? Come back to Oregon with me for a few days…”
“Hmm. Good idea.”
“We’ll leave very early,” he said. “Like in an hour…”
She laughed at him. “We’ll leave at nine. I don’t want to rush the baby…” She gave him a little kiss, then wiggled away from him, putting away the last plate. “I have to go give Mattie his bath, then get him settled for the night.”
Paul spent what seemed to be an interminable two and a half hours in front of CNN, unable to concentrate on a word of it. After an hour he got up and fixed himself a drink, asking the general if he could get him anything. But the general declined—probably because he didn’t have what was best described as bridegroom nerves. Paul was asking himself a hundred questions.
He had no idea if he was a good lover. How does a man know? He’d been pretty successful at getting the job done, satisfying the woman he was with before thinking of himself. He couldn’t remember any complaints, but he wasn’t a man who’d been with a lot of women. Not by comparison to some of his friends, for sure. And never with a woman like Vanni. And with Vanni, he didn’t want to merely satisfy her—he wanted to bond her to him forever with the greatest pleasure of her life. He wanted their coming together to be sweet for her. Sweet and powerful. Paul wanted her to know he could be an adequate husband.
He heard the baby crying, then making sweet little noises while he enjoyed his bath. A while later he heard the tub fill again; Vanni was treating herself to a soak.
Would she cry over Matt when they finally made love? Would she remember him, long for him, miss him all over again? And how does a man handle that? Paul asked himself. He wished he’d thought to ask Jack; Jack had married a widow. There must have been special challenges. I’ve held her through a million tears, Paul thought. I can hold her through as many more as it takes.
He took a shower, mostly to distract himself, and when he came out of the bathroom only one light was left on in the great room, probably for Tom. There was a light under the general’s door and the sound of the TV in his room could be heard.
Paul stepped out onto the deck and stood under a cool, dark sky that was riddled with a million stars. The sky was so deep and clear, it was as if one could see into the next universe. He was barefoot and bare chested with his towel slung around his neck. He looked toward Matt’s grave, then toward the sky, holding on to the ends of the towel. I swear, he promised, I’ll do my best, buddy. I’ll do my best by both of them.
He’d give the world to hear Matt snap back some smart-ass response.
Paul went to his room, dug around in his shaving kit, then went to Vanni’s bedroom door. He quietly turned the knob until it opened a crack. “Can I come in?” he whispered.
“What are you doing?” she whispered back, sitting up in her bed and flicking on the lamp. “Are you completely crazy?”
“Suicidal,” he said. He entered her room, softly closing the door behind him. The first thing he did was glance at the baby to make sure he was asleep. “I have to spend more time with you.”
“With my father right down the hall? With me in bed?”
“I don’t care if the whole Army is down the hall. If you won’t come away with me tonight, I just couldn’t stop myself. Are you naked?”
She rolled her eyes and grinned at him. She was wearing a gray T-shirt with ARMY printed on it. Yet on her, it sure looked sexy. And God, that grin—it was everything. It was his world. She was so strong, so sure of herself. He should have known she was ready for him, for them, or she’d have told him she wasn’t, because that was Vanessa. She didn’t play around, didn’t make mistakes with her feelings. She knew where she was headed; she had a will as powerful as the general’s.