But my mother didn’t just want to kill the king. She wanted to hurt him. To destroy him. I could still imagine her pattern at the altar, shimmering around my heart and branching out into the darkness. Toward his children. The witches planned to strike amidst his grief. They planned to eviscerate what remained of the royal family . . . and everyone who followed them.
I broke through the surface of the water, gasping for breath.
All these years, I’ve been lying to myself, convinced I’d fled the altar because I couldn’t take the lives of innocents. Yet here I was with innocent blood on my hands.
I was a coward.
The pain of the realization went beyond my sensitive skin, beyond the agony of the flames. This time, I’d damaged something important. Something irrevocable. It ached deep inside me.
Witch killer.
For the first time in my life, I wondered if I’d made the right choice.
Coco checked on me later that day, her face drawn as she sat beside me on the bed. Ansel became inordinately interested in his coat buttons.
“How are you feeling?” She lifted a hand to stroke my hair. At her touch, all my wretched emotions flooded back to the surface. A tear escaped down my cheek. I wiped it away, scowling.
“Like hell.”
“We thought you were a goner.”
“I wish.”
Her hand stilled. “Don’t say that. You’ve just got a soul ache, that’s all. Nothing a few sticky buns can’t fix.”
My eyes snapped open. “A soul ache?”
“Sort of like a headache or stomachache, but much worse. I used to get them all the time when I lived with my aunt.” She smoothed my hair away from my face and leaned down, brushing another tear from my cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, Lou. You did what you had to.”
I stared at my hands for a long moment. “Why do I feel like such shit about it, then?”
“Because you’re a good person. I know it’s never pretty to take a life, but Estelle forced your hand. No one can blame you for what you did.”
“I’m sure Estelle would feel differently.”
“Estelle made her choice when she put her faith in your mother. She chose wrong. The only thing you can do now is move forward. Isn’t that right?” She nodded to Ansel, who blushed scarlet in the corner. I looked hastily away.
He knew now, of course. He would’ve smelled the magic. Yet here I was . . . alive. More tears pooled in my eyes. Stop it, I chided. Of course he didn’t tell on you. He’s the only decent man in this entire tower. Shame on you for thinking otherwise.
Throat constricting, I toyed with Angelica’s Ring, unable to meet anyone’s eyes.
“I have to warn you,” Coco continued, “the kingdom is praising Reid as a hero. This is the first burning in months, and with the current climate, well . . . it’s been a celebration. King Auguste invited Reid to dine with him yesterday, but Reid refused.” At my questioning look, she pursed her lips in disapproval. “He didn’t want to leave you.”
Suddenly much too warm, I kicked my blankets away. “There was nothing heroic about what he did.”
She and Ansel exchanged a glance. “As his wife,” she said carefully, “you’re expected to think otherwise.”
I stared at her.
“Listen, Lou.” She sat back, heaving an impatient sigh. “I’m just looking out for you. People heard your screams during the execution. Many are very interested in why a witch burning sent you into hysterics—including the king. Reid finally accepted his dinner invitation this evening to placate him. You need to be careful. Everyone will be watching you extra closely now.” Her gaze flicked to Ansel. “And you know the stake isn’t just for witches. Witch sympathizers can meet a similar fate.”
My heart sank as I looked between them. “Oh, god. The two of you—”
“The three of us,” Ansel murmured. “You’re forgetting Reid. He’ll burn too.”
“He murdered Estelle.”
Ansel stared down at his boots, swallowing hard. “He believes Estelle was a demon. They all do. He . . . he was trying to protect you, Lou.”
I shook my head, furious tears threatening to spill once more. “But he’s wrong. Not all witches are evil.”
“I know you believe that,” Ansel said softly, “but you can’t force Reid to believe it.” He finally looked up, and his brown eyes held profound sadness—sadness someone his age never should’ve known. “There are some things that can’t be changed with words. Some things have to be seen. They have to be felt.”