“I went to the one in Spain. They only have one, a male counselor. I hesitated, at first, to go to him, but he was approved by the international council, so I made myself go.”
“And you told him everything? How sick you got? What the doctor said about your body and the nerve endings inside the tubes?”
“I made myself be very honest, even about my need for pain. It was difficult, but I did it. I will admit, it was a little surprising when he suggested I continue to push through by taking the various classes. I also confessed I started going to the underground clubs in hopes that when I went into the shadows, I wouldn’t have the reaction and he agreed it was a good idea.” She looked up at him. “It wasn’t, Elie. I do fine for a while. I can make myself go a couple of weeks, three, four, but then I’m wound up, restless, moody. I start needing not only pain but that edge of fear and dominance.”
He had already noticed she began to get edgy and needed him to initiate their sexual games. He had no problem with that. He didn’t want her to think there was anything wrong with her, which she clearly did. What was wrong was risking her life in the shadows in order to find relief. The counselor should have known better than to allow her to continue.
“I hated the way I was, but I couldn’t stop the cycle. I went for counseling, I took classes, I did everything I could, and then when I went back to shadow riding, I found myself delaying coming out of the tubes after my mission for as long as possible, just to get some relief, even though it was so horrible.” She continued her confession in a low voice.
Elie didn’t like the way she looked miserable and embarrassed. Humiliated even.
“There is nothing wrong with you, Brielle. You’re the most wonderful, courageous women I’ve ever met. I love you exactly the way you are. What would I do if I didn’t have you? You don’t need to risk your life in the shadows when you have me. Your cravings match my own so perfectly.”
He brushed a kiss in her hair. “But you can’t do any more shadow riding.” He made it a decree. “It’s too dangerous.”
“I did everything I could to stop, Elie, I really did. At the same time, I am a shadow rider, and I’m good at it. I was needed when Leone and Raimondo were in trouble and I instinctively acted.”
Elie continued to massage her neck. “I would expect nothing less of you, bébé. You are incredibly courageous. I wish, at times, you were less so.”
“I’m always terrified when I go into the shadows. I usually have time to meditate when I know I’m taking a rotation. I can prepare myself a little bit in advance.”
“We really need to come to terms with this, Brielle. I can’t come home to a slaughterhouse like that ever again. You nearly died. It was your blood everywhere. Leone was bad, yes, but you were the one bleeding out. Dario and Raimondo performed CPR on you and kept you alive long enough for the surgical team to set up. Arnold had to find where you were bleeding and close it off.”
His voice was strained all over again. He had to remove his hand in order to keep her from feeling the way his body tensed up all over again. The anger once again began to bubble up, seeping out of the well, escaping just enough to release the pressure cooker so he wouldn’t explode. He slid off the bed and stalked over to the window, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Stefano had taken Dario to task for not following protocol and releasing the names of his personal protectors to the investigators to vet. Dario had admitted they were men he had known since his childhood and he was protecting their past. Stefano made it clear that if they were ever to be allowed around the family, they had to earn the same trust that Dario had. He also pointed out those few minutes could have cost Brielle and Leone their lives.
Dario had taken the dressing down from Stefano without a murmur, something Elie had never thought possible. Raimondo had sent for Nicoletta and Taviano, the two closest riders. They had come as soon as possible and they’d been horrified at the blood-soaked state of Elie’s home.
The two riders had assisted Dario and Stefano in providing an adequate explanation for Asier Fredrick’s untimely death. They made it appear like he’d been robbed after he left Elie and Brielle and was on his way back to the airport. As for the men who had traveled on the same plane with him but were never seen with him, they didn’t bother creating a false narrative to explain their deaths. Those men had no association with Interpol. They were known associates of the Toselli family, according to Stefano’s investigators. That made it easy. So Dario simply made them disappear.