“I had already made up my mind I was never taking you to a club. Not ever.” He dropped another kiss on her forehead as satisfaction gleamed in her green eyes. “I didn’t mind Dario in the kitchen, because I knew he actually couldn’t see us. I’d studied the angle and made certain the lights were just right. Giving you what you wanted was the goal. That and testing both of our limits. That, I think, was mine.”
“He really couldn’t see us?”
“Just a darker shadow if he strained. The cabinet is set back against that far wall. I asked him to stay by the counter, which he did. I made sure to test every position before I allowed him to come over.”
She nuzzled his chest with her chin. “You always make me feel safe.”
“You are safe with me. I’ve told you repeatedly, you will always be safe with me.” He rubbed his chin on top of her head, the bristles along his jaw catching in her curls. “The scene in the great room went too far for me. There was no way to control the fire. It was as low as I could make it. Every now and then the flames flared up and I wasn’t certain how much of you Dario could actually see and I didn’t like that feeling. So, we won’t be doing that again unless I’ve set up a better-controlled scene.”
She snuggled closer into him. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, and I’m glad it won’t bother you that I wouldn’t be comfortable at the clubs, exposed like that. You always had such a reputation. I didn’t think I could keep up with you.”
“I didn’t really give a damn about anything, Brielle. I was a very young man, hot-tempered, angry, acting out. That was a time in my life I’m not so proud of.”
“I watched you all the time,” she murmured, her voice drowsy.
That particular tone of hers was one he was partial to. “I despised the Archambaults so much back then,” he admitted. “They treated me as if I wasn’t a person at all. I was simply an asset to them, one they could dictate to and move around like a little marionette on strings. I had no home, no base, no one to talk to. I realized very early on that not one single person cared about me as a person, only what I could do for them as a rider. Everything became about how fast I was. And then it was, could I get any faster? I told you this, I shouldn’t repeat myself. I don’t want to sound like I’m whining.”
“Talking about your childhood and the way you grew up isn’t whining, Elie,” Brielle said. “I want to hear it.”
“Sometimes, you were the only thing that got me through a day. I detested my life once I realized I didn’t matter to a single person. The Archambaults scheduled every minute of my day, insisting I take so many rotations and then train younger riders when I wasn’t working. I started going to the clubs out of defiance, and then I did it because that kind of sex became addicting and it was one place I was in complete control.”
Brielle rubbed her palm up and down his thigh, as if she could soothe away the terrible hurt his younger self had felt in those days. Rage had been his constant companion. “They wanted to dictate how I could live. They wanted my genetics passed on. They discussed this all without consulting me. I wasn’t important enough to discuss it with.”
Brielle traced little patterns along his thigh. “I had no idea that such an important family would treat one of its own family members and best riders that way. I’m so sorry, Elie. I know what it’s like to feel alone.”
“I know you do, Brielle.” He brushed a kiss on top of her head. “I swear, bébé, I didn’t know I was compromising you when you were so young by tangling your shadow with mine. I know you’re uncomfortable that you enjoy kink . . .”
“I need it,” she admitted in a low voice.
He was so damn proud of her. He kissed her temple. “I do, too. There’s nothing wrong with us, Brielle. We just have to make sure we check in with each other all the time. You always need to let me know if you don’t want to do something. If I take something too far.”
“I will. Keep talking to me about the Archambaults.”
He let her get away with shifting the subject back to him.
“Stefano says they’ve changed how they do things because I refused to return to them and made my home here instead.” He laughed softly. “They did get their way when the computer matched us together in spite of you refusing to marry me. Not that I want our children to experience anything like I did when they train.”