‘We can skip the bit where I announce my ambitions don’t include deep void scavenging, and you are completely surprised . . .’ she prompted. When he still stood there dumbly, she went on, ‘They put you under, afterwards? Suspension via the Int Program? Or . . . they used relativistic travel . . .?’
‘Kind of the opposite,’ he told her hollowly and finally sat on the bed, keeping as much space between them as possible. ‘I . . . Look, none of us first class out of the Program came out . . . right. I’m not right. So it’s that. I haven’t been on ice, like I guess you have. It’s just that . . .’ He was talking to his hands as they lay palm-up in his lap. ‘I haven’t slept, Solace. I haven’t slept properly since they did what they did to me.’
Whatever her next line should have been, it fell out of her head at that. ‘You haven’t slept in . . .?’
‘Fifty years, and some. Not slept, not aged. Like they stuck a pin in me back then.’
‘Is this all Ints—？’
‘Me. Just me. They fucked us all up, and no two of us the same. I hear the later classes got it even worse, the leashed ones. I don’t know why I’m even telling you this. I’m sorry. You were about to threaten me or kidnap me or something. Don’t let me stop you.’ His voice had sunk so low she had to rub shoulders with him to hear his words.
And yes, she should be pushing their deal – not threats but a proposal, a heartfelt plea. Except right then she just felt cold, as though the deep void was radiating out through him. She wondered if she should put an arm around him or take his hand, as if one of her sisters was having a hard time. The way things had started between them on Berlenhof; two wounded soldiers healing together.
‘I’m not here to kidnap anyone,’ she said, honestly enough, though her next orders might turn that right around. ‘They sent me with an offer.’
‘And they sent you because we’d met.’
‘We’re short on options.’ And if we just liberated some poor bastard under a leash contract, even covertly, that would mean war.
‘The answer’s no, by the way. To your offer.’ He was still talking to his hands but now he was very tense, in case kidnapping was on the menu after all.
‘I haven’t made it yet.’ Solace felt as though the pair of them were having two different discussions, side by side.
‘I’m not joining you. Do you think I’d be here, on this ship, if I was interested in signing on with any side? I did my time in the last war. I want nothing to do with the next one.’
‘This isn’t to fight . . .’ Solace started but at last he looked up at her, not angry so much as accusatory.
‘I won’t be owned. Not by the Magdans, not by Hugh, not by the Parthenon. Or anyone else who wants to buy me.’
Solace stared. ‘Is that what you think we want?’
‘Doubtless you’ve dressed it up very nicely, but I reckon joining the Parthenon’s a door that opens one way only. Not to mention that I’ve already had my footnote in the historiotypes. I don’t want to go down as the man who betrayed the Colonies as well.’ He blinked, as though seeing her as herself for the first time. ‘Hello, by the way.’
Solace opened her mouth, found it empty of words, closed it again.
‘I’m sorry. It would have been good to just . . . run into you again. By chance. Catch up on whatever interesting dreams you had in suspension.’ Idris obviously became aware he was talking too fast and made an effort to slow himself. ‘Because I remember . . . I don’t sleep, I don’t age and I don’t forget – not the big things. I owe you my life. And I owe you double because you kept me sane after Berlenhof, after . . . first contact. But it’s you I owe, not the Parthenon.’
‘I . . .’
‘So you can get off at Huei-Cavor. Or go to plan B and we’ll see how that works out, I suppose.’
‘I signed on for your next mission,’ she said. ‘So I guess I’m sticking around for that. Look, Idris . . . Can we start this again?’
‘Not particularly.’
‘Not now. I’ll go find my cabin, but next time I’d like to at least start with “Hello”。’
‘So you can work your way towards your offer again?’
‘Yes, because that’s my mission. I want to report that I got that far, when I go back empty-handed. But also . . . just, hello. It’s actually good to see you. You’re the only person outside my sisters that I ever met and liked.’