I lean against the wall as I text him back.
JP: I think I used up one of my lives last night. I’m pretty sure I just threw up a boot.
Breaker: What the hell happened to “go get some food”？
JP: Kelsey’s date walked her back to the penthouse. I think they kissed. I lost it, man. I told her about the pigeons, rambled about sick polar bears, told her she was beautiful, and then went back to my room where I blacked out. So . . . yeah.
Breaker: Jesus. So, you didn’t listen to me at all.
JP: Nope.
Breaker: So, what are you going to do this morning?
JP: So far, retching. Not sure what the plan is after that.
Breaker: Do you really like her? Like . . . you want to go for this?
JP: I think after last night’s events, if I don’t at least try, I’m going to drink myself into an oblivion.
Breaker: Do you have any plans?
JP: Not even one.
Breaker: Okay, first, you need to stop being a dick to her, because that’s not winning her over. And start being her friend.
JP: Her friend? I’m already there. She friend-zoned me.
Breaker: Good, because now you can hang out with her without the pressure of sex. Show her that you’re fun, that you’re a good match for her. You know the attraction is there, but you need to work on the personality.
JP: If you haven’t noticed, I’m not very good at controlling my emotions.
Breaker: Not an excuse. Just work harder. If you want her to be with you, you need to show her that you can be the man she wants. You need to woo her.
JP: Woo her? Fuck . . . don’t use that term.
Breaker: But that’s the term she’d use. She’s a romantic. You have to do things that she’d notice, things that matter. Make her meals, pull out her chair, bring home things that remind you of her. Little touches here and there. And when you’re in the penthouse, hanging out, sit close to her. Don’t make it sexual, but let her know you’re there.
JP: Who made you the expert at this shit?
Breaker: No one, but I’m pretty damn sure I have a better idea than you at this moment.
JP: Fuck . . . fine.
Breaker: And, for the love of God, don’t go out there this morning until you’re done puking.
JP: Trust me, I’m smart enough to realize that.
Chapter Seventeen
KELSEY
Meant to Be Podcast
Griffin and Ren
Kelsey: Welcome, listener, to the Meant to Be Podcast, where we talk to madly-in-love couples about the way they met. Griffin and Ren, thank you so much for joining me today.
Griffin: Sure. When Ren told me about the podcast, I thought our story was interesting enough to talk about.
Ren: Interesting enough is a good way to put it. Tell Kelsey about The Curse.
Griffin: Sighs I was in New Orleans with my brothers, and it was a drunken night when we stumbled upon a palm reader. Long story short, she did a terrible palm reading, we voiced our opinion, and then—my brothers and I will swear on this—she cursed us.
Kelsey: What was the curse?
Griffin: Broken love. It was intense, the wind swirled and everything.
Ren: We live in a small town called Port Snow, in Maine, and the entire town knew about this curse. The boys were untouchable. And to Griffin’s defense, he did lose his wife right after the trip, so he was scared to try to find love again.
Kelsey: So, how did you meet?
Griffin: Ren was looking for a fresh start. She got a teaching job in Port Snow. Came all the way from California.
Ren: I was driving to Port Snow in what felt like the backwoods, and I wasn’t prepared for incoming traffic.
Griffin: When she says incoming traffic, she means, incoming moose.
Kelsey: Moose?
Ren: Yup, a moose came out on the road, I swerved and rolled down a hill, and my car got stuck between two trees. Griffin is a volunteer firefighter and pulled me out of my vehicle. I was slightly insane that day and he helped me get to my rental, which happened to be a place his brother owned.
Griffin: Despite her screaming at me and the blood dripping down her head from a cut, I thought she was beautiful. She intrigued me, and it was the first time since my wife passed that I felt attraction. And then, soon after, I believed I could date again. Ren was my miracle.
Kelsey: Aww. I’m so glad to hear that. So, you started dating?
Ren: Not quite. It didn’t happen that fast, though, because, you know . . . the curse.
Griffin: chuckles Don’t bust my balls on a podcast about that.
Ren: Oh, Kelsey said we have an hour. Trust me when I say I will be talking about the curse for that entire time.
Griffin: Great.
I’d like to say the penthouse is soundproof, that I can’t hear what JP is doing and he can’t hear what I’m doing, but I think after the whole walking in on him while he was pleasuring himself situation, we know that’s not the truth.