What I would like is to be a part of a relationship like theirs where you’re so infatuated with each other that you completely forget the world around you and get lost in each other’s eyes.
I want to be worshipped.
I want to be important in someone’s life.
I want to be the person someone calls when they need advice or have big news . . . or just want to hear my voice.
I want to be surprised with flowers at my apartment door. Whisked away to somewhere I’ve never been. Thought of nearly every second of every day because I consume someone’s thoughts.
I want the real.
The ugly.
The pettiness that comes with relationships.
The teasing.
The arguments.
The laughs.
The love.
The romance.
I want it all. And sitting here, watching my sister experience exactly that, yes, it makes me jealous, but it also makes me realize that if I want all those things, I’m going to have to make them happen myself. I can’t sit back and wait.
If I want love, I need to go find it.
“Oh God, I feel like throwing up,” I say as I shake my hands at my side. “Why did I think this was a good idea?”
“Because you want to be in a relationship,” Lottie says calmly from where she sits cross-legged on my bed.
“I do.” I nod as I stare at myself in my full-length mirror, examining the purple, strapless dress I chose for my date tonight. “I really want to be in a relationship.”
“And you yourself said this guy sounds nice. Likes dogs, has his own business—something you have in common—and has a secret desire to be in a boy band, which is charming.”
“It is.” I nod again, still staring at myself. “The boy band thing really got me.”
“And what was his favorite quote again?”
“‘Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!’” I say, chuckling as I turn to the side, checking out my back.
Lottie chuckles too. “See, he seems like a good time as well.”
Now I turn toward Lottie and ask, “What if he’s the one?”
“Okay, you can’t go into this thinking like that. You need to be calm, composed, and just have fun. You can’t go all crazy romantic on him and ask him to have your babies fifteen minutes into the date.”
I give her a glaring look. “I would never do that.”
“Just checking, because earlier you asked me if purple accented your elbow pit veins too much. Who asks that?”
I flash my arms at Lottie and say, “Mom gave me these veins, and they are far too prominent. I don’t need the purple of this dress making them even more prominent.”
“With the way that dress makes your boobs look, I’m pretty sure the last thing he’s going to be looking at is your inner elbow veins.”
I clutch my chest. “Oh my God, do I look like I’m trying too hard?”
“Noooo,” Lottie moans. “You look perfect. Now, if you don’t leave soon, you’re going to be late and I know what you hate most in life is being late.”
“That’s true. Being late just means you’re either a ‘time bender’—that’s a real thing—or you don’t care about other people’s time. And time is the one thing in life you can’t get back.”
“Yes, I know.” Lottie stands from the bed and ushers me toward the door, but before she can push me out, I turn toward her and grip her arms.
“What if this is it, if he’s the one? I’m going to start sweating when I see him. I won’t be able to act cool. What if this is my one and only chance at love?”
“This is not your one and only chance. This is a blind date with a guy that some computer algorithm thought would be a good fit for you.”
“A proven algorithm. The success rate is as high as ninety percent. Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on me?”
“You’re overthinking this. It’s supposed to be fun.”
“Nothing about dating is fun. You lucked out with Huxley. Maybe I should walk a rich neighborhood, looking for a husband.”
“Or you could just go out with JP . . .”
That calms my nerves right away and I put distance between myself and my sister. “By now you should know I have zero interest in him. I’d have better luck dating a houseplant than JP Cane. Now”—I straighten out my dress—“if you will excuse me, I have a blind date to go on.”
“One mention of JP and you’re all fixed and ready to go?”
“Yes.” I pick up my purse and sling it over my shoulder. “Because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that any date is better than a date with him.”