Yes, I can.
Because the guy seems like a douche.
Because he’s not me.
Because he doesn’t fucking know you as I do.
He doesn’t know that you need someone to push you out of your comfort zone. He doesn’t know that you’re someone who would enjoy something like a drag show but would never go yourself. He doesn’t know that you’d appreciate a quiet walk along an empty boardwalk where you can appreciate the small things like a starry sky and the sound of your feet tapping along the old wood.
“But unlike when you and I had dinner there, I can’t possibly order a whole crab, snap the leg off in front of him, and wear a bib.”
“Why the hell not?” I ask.
“Because, with you, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t trying to impress you. I don’t want Derek thinking I’m some psycho who likes mutilating sea creatures. I mean, I’m not, but let’s be honest, I was sort of putting on a show when it came to snapping those legs. I wanted to startle you.”
Mission accomplished, but I also found it endearing. I liked it.
“I think I might just get a salad,” she continues.
“That’s bullshit,” I say under my breath.
“What?” she asks as she grabs her fresh coffee, puts a dab of milk and some sugar in it, and then brings her plate and mug to the table to join me.
“I said, that’s bullshit.” My tone has an edge to it now and I can see from the way she sits back, eyes on me, that she noticed as well.
“Wait, are you mad?”
Yes.
Irritated, as well.
Also, jealous.
Really fucking jealous.
“Just don’t try to be someone you’re not, is all.” No use starting a fight with her.
“I’m not,” she says, mildly insulted.
“You are if you don’t get a crab.”
“I like salads too, you know?”
“Then why didn’t you get a salad when we went to the Crab House?”
“Because I’m more comfortable around you,” she shoots back, and that confession nearly brings a smile to my face, only for it to be wiped away as she says, “I don’t expect you to understand this since you don’t dare date people. You only test-run them to make sure they’re good enough for your bed.”
Ouch.
And there it is, the way she truly sees me.
“Is that what you really think?” I ask.
“You’ve had one girlfriend, JP.”
“Because no one has been interesting enough for me to consider going any further than a few dates. I was just starting to get to know Genesis before the gala, but we hadn’t slept together. Hasn’t anyone ever told you quality versus quantity, Kelsey?” I stand from my chair, pick up my plate and coffee, and walk away. If I don’t now, I’ll say something I’ll regret.
“JP, wait. I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“It’s fine, Kelsey,” I call out. “Have a good date.” I close my door behind me and then slowly slide down it until I’m sitting on the floor. I set my plate and mug down and then grip my hair in my hands, pain ripping through me.
Fuck. I should just go tell her how I feel. I should tear through this door, disrupt her breakfast, and ask her to not go on the date, but to go to the Mayor’s Ball with me instead.
But I did already ask her . . . and she chose the date. I don’t think she’ll ever see me as someone she wants to know better.
I’m the guy who fucks around, not the settling type. And that’s a fucking painful realization.
Before I met Kelsey, she wasn’t wrong. As I said to her, though, I haven’t found someone I thought I wanted to spend more than a night or three with. There hasn’t been an intellectual, physical, or emotional connection. Unlike with Kelsey, where I feel all three. Even though I tease her, purposefully aggravate her—because she’s fun to fluster—I do respect her. And I want more. I do see her as someone I’d consider settling down with.
I’ve never had to try hard to get a woman to want me. And the first time I do, I’m rejected.
Can I change her mind? Or is it a lost cause?
“Are you there?” Huxley asks as I sit in my car, staring out the window, listening to his annoying voice through the phone.
“Yes, I’m here,” I answer through a clenched jaw.
“Why do you sound short?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m in a goddamn tuxedo at this stupid Mayor’s Ball, where I have to not only speak with Regis about his stupid bullshit, but also suck up to the mayor.”