He moved in his seat so that he was facing her more directly. He said, “That was merely to make it authentic but—”
“What a rotten thing to do.”
“Hear me out,” he said. “You were meant to arrive in advance of the flowers. I intended to take you aside and tell you to expect them and to expect the card. But they arrived first. Dorothea brought them to your desk. Then there you were and so was she and I wasn’t able . . . Christ. What a dog’s dinner I’ve made of it.”
“Too right, that,” Barbara said.
“And then you opened the card, and I saw your expression. At that point, I felt that I couldn’t tell you. Not then, at least. I should have, of course. There is no excuse. I have no excuse. But I want you to know that it wasn’t meant to . . . I didn’t mean to . . . It was all in the cause of . . .”
Barbara realised that, in the years she’d known him, she’d never seen Lynley in such a state and she’d never once heard him say anything that was less than well thought out and completely articulate. “Is that all, then?” she said to him.
“No. Of course that’s not all. I want to apologise. I want to admit how utterly stupid I was. Not only did I not think it through, I also didn’t pause to consider the effect the flowers and the card would have on you. I hurt you when I wanted to help you. It just seemed, at the time, the only way to derail Dorothea from her chosen path.”
“You’re mixing your metaphors,” she pointed out.
He thought for a moment before saying, “Yes. I am.”
“That’s somewhat reassuring, Inspector. An imperfection here and there? It always goes miles in making someone look a bit more human. Mistakes do the same.”
“At this point, I daresay you have a catalogue of my imperfections and another catalogue of my mistakes.”
“I could say the same.”
“You could do, yes.” He looked away from her for a moment, at the grey expanse of wall that served the underground car park. “But imperfections and mistakes are only part of the whole, aren’t they. And it’s the whole we connect with although, to be frank, it would be easier if we could pick and choose and build relationships only from the parts we like.” Then he put his frank brown-eyed gaze upon her again. “I’m humbled and contrite,” he told her. “Truly I am. I ask you to forgive me.”
Barbara thought about this. She thought about the damage he’d done. She came to the conclusion that the damage was to her pride alone, and like all the blows to her pride in the past, she’d get over this one if she chose to do so.
“Right,” she said. “Okay. I forgive you. Go in peace. Sin no more.” She opened the car door then and lit up her fag as she was getting out. She’d not lit up since before they’d set off for Bethnal Green. She took four deep and altogether blessed hits of the cigarette.
Lynley, out of the car as well, said, “You’ve got to give that up, Barbara. It’s going to kill you if you don’t.”
“Can’t,” she said.
“Whyever not? I was able.”
“It’s not that,” she said, going for hit number five.
“What is it, then?”
“I don’t want to lose any of my imperfections.”
He laughed. Together they headed for the lift, Lynley careful to stay out of the contrail she was creating. She dropped the fag, crushed it out with the toe of her high-top trainer, picked up the dog end, and stowed it in her bag. Lynley’s phone dinged. He took it from his jacket pocket. He read the message and said, “We’re wanted.”
“Oh God, not Hillier,” Barbara said.
“It’s Winston. One of the DCs just texted him. She’s found a bit of CCTV footage. She wants us to take a look at it.”
“Has Winston seen it?”
“He’s on his way.”
“Where is he, then?”
“Coming from Brixton.”
The lift arrived in silence and its doors slid open. Soon enough they were back with the team, and the DC in question—name tag identifying her as June Taylor—was waiting for them. Winston had sent her a message as well, so she was ready with the footage. She said, “It might be nothing at all, but DS Bontempi—in her African clothes—is in it so I reckoned you might want to see it.”
“We do,” Lynley said. “What’s the location?”
“More of Kingsland High Street. It comes from the day the clinic was raided. She must have been watching from somewhere nearby.”