There was something that radiated from Daidre’s face that seemed to be lacking in other people. It drew him to her. It was, possibly, why to see her was, for him, to want her. He’d shared quite a long history of friendship with his wife prior to their more personal involvement and then their marriage. But with Daidre, he wanted to create a history, and to have that history carry them into a future that he couldn’t quite describe.
He was wise not to mention any part of this. Instead, he said, “Have you named him, then?”
“I have.” She sat back on her heels and brushed her sandy hair from her cheeks. She tucked it behind her ears and anchored it there with her specs.
“And?”
“Wally. To me, he looks exactly like a Wally. Don’t you agree?”
Lynley examined the cat. He’d tucked in to the food, tail curled round his body and a loud purr emanating from him. “He’s decidedly a Wally,” he said. “Only a Wally would purr like that.”
She began to rise. He extended his hand. She took it and allowed him to help her to her feet. They stood virtually chest to chest. He wanted to kiss her. He didn’t do so.
She said, “You’ve not told me what you’re working on.”
He made it brief: a murdered police detective, assigned to Empress State Building, an investigative team at work on preventing the abuse of women and girls. “Genital mutilation, among other things,” he told her.
“That’s dreadful, the mutilation.”
“It’s meant to keep them pure for their future husbands.”
“Are the future husbands required to remain pure for their future wives?”
“What do you think?”
She gave a short laugh. It had nothing to do with being amused. “Why am I not surprised?” She went to the table and picked up her wineglass. She took a sip and said, “Sometimes I wonder how you can possibly do the work you do, Tommy. Homo sapiens is such a sick species. We should have stopped at Homo habilis. Everything past that is iffy. Doesn’t it ever make you want to throw in the towel? On humanity, I mean. Animals are fine. They do what their natures direct them to do. They don’t have to abuse or destroy others of their kind in order to do it.”
“Save during mating season,” he pointed out.
“Yes. But even that is according to their nature. It’s about survival. The weak males are driven off, aren’t they. The strongest dominate in order to preserve the group. A weaker male can’t protect the rest of them. A strong male can.”
“Perhaps they’re better than we are, then.”
“The animals? Indeed they are. There’s no subterfuge with them. They are who they are. They are what they are.”
He drank some of his wine. She picked up a piece of cheese and placed it on a biscuit. She took a bite, seemed dissatisfied, returned the biscuit to its plate.
She said, “Tommy, I know we need to—”
At the same instant, he said, “Everything should be—”
Both stopped at once. He nodded at her. “You first, then.”
“I was going to say that I know we need to talk about many things, you and I.”
“And I was going to say that everything should be easier between us. I love you. I suspect you love me. I keep attempting to manoeuvre you into admitting that. But I’m going at things the wrong way round. It’s as if I’ve come to believe that only a baring of your soul will suffice to reassure me that . . .” He sighed.
“What?”
“Truthfully? I’m not entirely certain. That’s the devil of it. Am I trying to reassure myself that the struggle is worth it?”
“I can’t answer that for you, can I. But I can say that sometimes we’re forced to accept that there’s too much damage inside a person, that no repair is possible, that the person is just who the person is.”
“You’re speaking of yourself, but I can’t make myself believe that. I believe that you—that I as well—are the sum of many parts and our pasts are just one of those parts. We carry it all with us, naturally, but we don’t have to stagger under the load.”
“I’m damaged, Tommy. Perhaps irreparably. I just don’t know. But if I am, what it is for me is . . .” She hesitated. He saw her swallow. She looked down at her wineglass and then up at him. “I’ve thought about this so much. I’ve looked at us—whatever we are—and I’ve tried to come up with a plan of action. Or at least an answer.”