“You’d pretend you’re on vacation.”
“What about Bonnie?”
“Nicole could take care of her and the others until we’re able to bring them out to wherever we end up. I’d take care of you.”
Lily’s face said: What about me makes you think that I want to be taken care of?
“I’m just trying to find a way we can be together,” he said, succumbing to frustration. “If you don’t want that, then it’s a nonstarter.”
“I do.” She closed her eyes again, reaching for his hand and setting it over her heart, covering it with her own. “I’m sorry. But you’re right. I’m sitting here trying to imagine moving somewhere. I can’t. I can’t leave Nicole. And Leo, I have maybe three hundred dollars to my name. I would be entirely dependent on you and—I can’t,” she repeated quietly.
“Now that Cora’s tuition is paid off, I make enough to support us. I don’t care about the money.”
“But I do.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. “You’d go from supporting one woman in your life to supporting another. I don’t want us to have that kind of relationship.”
“I don’t see it that way at all.”
She barreled on, ignoring this. “I could sell Duke’s cabin, but who the hell is buying land in Hester?” She looked at him. “I can only do this by my own bootstraps. You can’t fix this for me.”
Leaning over her, he tipped her hat back and bent to kiss her, just once. “Okay. I won’t push.”
“Trust me, I like that you’re pushing,” she said quietly. “There’s just no easy answer.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he told her. “But probably not today. Let’s go for a walk.”
They stood, sore and bruised and filthy but still there. And, at least for now, still together.
Tomorrow, he thought bleakly, I might have to say goodbye.
* * *
Up on top of a small ledge overhang, they sat with their legs dangling, fingers entwined. It was afternoon—just after three—but it felt like they’d been awake for a year. In front of them, the sky was a flawless jewel. Lily’s backpack was open beside her, and even with her clothes inside, it seemed empty without the journal.
She pulled Terry’s satellite phone out and turned it on. Leo supposed he should be grateful that Jay and Kevin hadn’t taken it during their backpack raid. “I’m gonna let Nic know to pick us up tomorrow.”
He nodded, watching her dial the number from memory. Tinnily, the sound of the phone ringing reached him.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me.” He didn’t hear more than the loud, amorphous sound of Nicole’s voice. Lily shook her head. “It’s a bust.” Another pause. “I’ll explain it all later, but Terry was working with some guys. They followed us down here and took my gun, tied us up.” She paused, and Leo could hear the disembodied sound of Nicole yelling. “Yeah, I’m serious. Nic—Nic—just listen. If you could pick me and Leo up where we went down, we’ll try to get there by around two tomorrow afternoon.” She paused again and looked over at him, saying, “Nicole says Bradley had to fly home, and Walt is recovering at a hotel in Moab.” She turned her attention back to Nicole. “I guess it’ll just be you picking us up, then. Prepare for a big night at Archie’s before we send Leo back to New York.”
Ouch.
Lily said goodbye and pulled the phone away from her ear, hitting End Call before dropping it in her backpack. She stared down for a few seconds and then let out an angry growl.
“I hated that journal,” she said, “but it’s worse that Terry’s asshole friends have it now. It was all I had of Duke’s.”
He didn’t know what to say. Her relationship with the journal was complicated as hell, and Leo couldn’t pretend to understand the extent of it. Instead, he squeezed her hand.
She pulled out the photo of Duke leaning against the tree, releasing Leo’s hand to hold the photograph in both of hers. Someday, when the disappointment wasn’t so fresh, maybe they’d be able to talk about her dad, and how this trip changed her feelings about their history. But today was not that day.
“I’m so mad,” she said quietly. “And I am desperate to know whether those assholes found anything.”
The words exploded from him. “God, me too. It’s killing me.”
She laughed. “On the one hand, I think, ‘Fuck those guys. I hope there’s nothing.’ But also: I want to think we were close.”